Sh Machine
© Gregory North
Winner, 2024 ABPA Victorian Bush Poetry Championship Humorous section (Larrikin Award) – Man from Snowy River Festival, Corryong, Victoria.
Shiraz should shortly see me shickered – drunk and far from kin.
I’m shacked up at my friends’ place – to their absolute chagrin.
Chagrin! Now that’s a funny word
and one of very few I’ve heard
that start with ch, pronounced as sh – that shoots me in a spin.
Charmaine, Charlene – they’re other ones – but they’re both woman’s names.
Chantal and Charlotte, Charlemagne can surely stake their claims.
The ch as sh charade or stench
comes from those charlatans, the French –
infecting English through their chic chicanery and games.
So when you’re shown a brochure on a swish and sharp chateau
with chandeliers and bedspreads of chenille from head to toe,
you shouldn’t throw it down the chute
or shove it with your crocheted suit
but fantasise about the chaise ride in chartreuse chapeau.
The chauvinistic chalet chef, cheroot still sharing pong,
may shift the chauffeur’s chassis to a chevron-print chaise longue
where choice champignons once had lain
with chanterelles and shoe champagne
near shyly shed chiffon chemise with shapeless chamois thong.
Now in Chicago, Chevrolets and chambray shirts are in
while chaperones with chiffoniers shout out a shocking din
to sh the ch of young chéries
with shaky, chardonnay-weak knees.
Such chivalry has sobered me – much to my chagrin.
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