Court Thought

© Gregory North

Winner, 2011 Snowy River Festival Bush Poetry Competition open written section, Jindabyne, NSW.

While driving through the city I was taken by the thought:
what kind of crimes and cases do they hear in carpet court?
Are carpet layers prosecuted due to shoddy work?
Do over-charging salesmen give a bribe and wear a smirk?
Do carpet courts decide on stain resistance guarantees,
or work out who’s responsible for plagues of mites and fleas?

Perhaps I simply read it wrong, ’cause that would surely thwart
investigations as to what goes on in carpet court.
“You’ve been found guilty, since you’ve no contrition or regrets,
of owning cars and treating them as if they were your pets.
As subject of the vehicle psychiatrist’s report,
you’re guilty of a litany of crimes in car-pet court.”

Perhaps there was a space I missed when making out the sign.
It could have been the viewing angle or its bad design.
But was the space located near the r or near the p?
It could refer to courts that hear of eaten fish, you see?
Could owners of a cat get sued for every plate and cup
when neighbours boasting garden ponds have had their carp et up?

Or maybe it’s a family court with victims wall to wall,
where custody of rug rats then becomes a judge’s call.
Adulterers are called onto the carpet where they sag,
and drag their feet admonishing that warm, inviting shag.
But one bloke can’t abstain from his addiction and insists
on telling of his carpet burns from graphic, kinky twists.

The carpet court may cause a rich embezzler’s face to blush
explaining why his manor house interior’s so plush;
and when his magic carpet got pulled out and made him fall
just why his mate, the Persian, made a runner up the hall.
Then later he might reappear, but in a different group –
attempting unsuccessful, suicidal cut and loop.

Are carpet baggers carpet bombed with rugs of deeper piles?
Are toilets in the carpet court all lined with carpet tiles?
Are court rooms decked out differently depending on the case?
And do red carpets get rolled out for dignitaries to grace?
Are carpet beaters sentenced on account of what they dealt?
Are marriages annulled if down below is under-felt?

I have to find some answers. Something’s missing – I’ve no doubt.
It’s probably been overlooked and sucked right up the spout.
Or else it’s been swept underneath the carpet – yes, that’s it –
a nylon-wool conspiracy that lawyers won’t admit.
All thoughts I’ve brought have come to nought. I’m fraught, caught short, distraught!
What kind of crimes and cases do they hear in carpet court?

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