Homework WE 30/11/15 - At the End of the Day

[Shelley Hansen]

This week's prompts took me down a similar path to Bob, with a touch of cryptic imagery for David - and an "every" for Terry (which, depending on the judge's opinion, may call into question the metric accuracy of Line 9)! So - you be judge and feedback is welcome

At the End of the Day
(c) Shelley Hansen 2015

At the end of the day you’re another day older
and wisdom should travel with age,
but it has to be known
sometimes age comes alone
as folly flings blots on the page.

But if you will just listen to history’s story
and open the eyes of your mind,
then you don’t need to make
every single mistake
that’s built by the hand of mankind.

Come to me, take my hand, child – and let me be certain
before you set forth on your way,
the superlative prize
of the youth in your eyes
won’t dim in the harsh light of day.

All the years of my life have conspired to teach me
that time is a thief, passing by
far too quickly, and so
you must seize it – and go
with courage to reach for the sky.

Take the “red, white and blue” as a powerful motto -
where passion is red; reason blue;
and a conscience of white
to bring rest through the night …
and this – “to thine own self be true!”

[David Campbell]

That's an interestingly different approach to the "red, white and blue", Shelley. And I don't mind the touch of cryptic!

The non-rhyming first line of each stanza gives rise to a possible alternative structure: if the first two lines were made one, it would create 4-line stanzas with an ABBA rhyme scheme. It'd probably look lopsided, but the way we set things out is always fascinating so I'm throwing it out there as an idle thought.

Cheers
David

[Shelley Hansen]

Mmm, you're right! I nearly made each first line rhyme so it would have been (abccb adeed) and so on (I've done that before). But then I thought I'd try the unrhymed first line to make it look less structured, as if the first thought of the older person poured out unleashed (simulating the passion), then the remainder of each verse's thoughts were harnessed into captivity with the voice of reason. (How's that for an in depth analysis!)

So based on that premise, it would probably work quite well to have a long first line ... words tumbling out, then being reined in for the rest of each verse.

It is fascinating to play around with the structure and see what can develop!

Thank you and please keep suggesting!

Cheers, Shelley

[Maureen K Clifford]

I like it Shelley - the different structure lifts it beyond the mundane and gives a nice change of pace - words tumbling out describes it well and as David has already said it is fun to have a play around both with the words and the structures. Nothing should be set in concrete when it comes to writing IMO it's all about capturing the readers interest.

[Catherine Lee]

Great poem and use of prompts Shelley, and certainly a different way of setting out that nevertheless works. I also love how you end with that wonderful life motto - To Thine Own Self Be True.

[Shelley Hansen]

Thanks Maureen and Catherine!

Yes, Catherine, when in doubt quote Shakespeare ... it worked for Lord Olivier!!

Seriously, it is a great quote and a fine precept for life, when applied properly. I guess even criminals and terrorists could argue they are being true to themselves, but they forget the rest of the message which encompasses all mankind:

"This above all: to thine own self be true
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."

Or, as John Donne so aptly put it: "No man is an island ..."

Cheers, Shelley