Tantrum Tossing Tommie

[mummsie]

It's been a while since I posted a poem and with the sad state of our world I thought I'd share some humour.



TANTRUM TOSSING TOMMIE
Sue Pearce© 2014


Now young tantrum tossing Tommie was the world’s most horrid child
from the day his mother brought him home he drove his parents wild
yes, the night of his conception may have been a lot of fun
but his antics soon put paid to thoughts of siblings for their son.

Bang on five o’clock each morning he would wake up and begin
plotting tantrum tossing moments with a sly and evil grin
then he’d count the seconds... waiting, sleeping parents in his fix
and at six o’clock precisely he’d unleash his bag of tricks.

With a holler so malicious that would surely wake the dead
bringing parents in a panic from the comfort of their bed
while the neighbors begged for mercy “Take the kid and move away”
Tommie slyly smiled and smugly thought “That’s one down for the day”.

Then at breakfast he’d continue-with his high chair as a base
he would catapult his weet bix with a smug and daring face
every mealtime was disastrous-threats of “Tommy, if you dare!”
followed closely by a trail of peas and carrots flung with flair.

And it wasn’t just at home that he behaved in such a way
No! the supermarket was his favourite place to disobey
everything would be in order ‘till they reached the lolly aisle
where refusal of the latter seemed to cramp young Tommie’s style.

He’d turn every shade of purple, then let out a mighty roar
sending shivers through the shoppers as they scurried from the store
scowling sideways at the scoundrel as they navigated past
with his arms and legs propelling like a blowfly on its last.

This caused Bessie Smiths incontinence to trigger from the quake
so she piddled as she plodded leaving puddles in her wake
while his mother stood, a victim of the other shoppers stares
as they nudged and whispered snidely what they’d do if he were theirs.

Well he tossed and traumatised the town and terrorised the roost
tossing every tantrum ever known and some he’d introduced
and though others tried to take him down they couldn’t hold a patch
then the day he started school rolled 'round...whenTommie met his match.

He’d made it to the school yard gate without his usual fuss
with his puzzled mother by his side…things seemed a little suss
then, as soon as she was out of sight his plot released on cue
for while unrestrained he set to work with every trick he knew;

He kicked and screamed in such a way the ground and buildings shook
his body writhed and thrashed about just like a headless chook
he cursed and screamed and reached a pitch he’d never hit before
that even when he stopped to breathe- uugh it rose up even more
of all the tantrums he had tossed this was one took out first prize
as kids bowled in from everywhere with golf ball bulging eyes
he revelled in the crowd’s applause until the fateful coup
for suddenly a voice declared “Three cheers for Mary Lou!”
yes, Mary Lou out screamed him, outperformed him and out tossed
this tantrum tossing tiny tot would never be out-bossed
so... the title he had always held was now reduced to shame
Tommie's name no longer stood atop the Tantrum Wall of Fame.

Well the two remained at loggerheads for years when from the blue
they surprised the town when cupids bow entwined around the two
still, their courtship was a fiery one with tempers running hot
which reflected in their wedding vows “I do” became “I’LL not”

How they terrorised the neighborhood- domestics every day
then to top things off the pair announced a son was on the way
well they spruiked of that impending role and how they would perfect
their antics through their prodigy-a "tosser" to respect.

When the time of her delivery had finally arrived
the cursing heard from Mary Lou filled Tommie's heart with pride
the paint was peeling off the walls when pfft, out popped their boy
with a set of lungs about to prove he was the real McCoy.

He turned every shade of purple, then let out a mighty roar
sending shivers through the doctor and the hearing aid he wore
the doctor clasped his ears and muttered "thank the lord that's done!"
to which Mary Lou replied "oh yeah(grunt), here comes another one"!.

[alongtimegone]

That is funny Sue and the last line ... I love it.
Wazza

[mummsie]

Good on ya Wazza-this is a fun poem to perform.
Hope all is good in your part of the world.

Cheers
Sue

[Maureen K Clifford]

I know that kid and have a marked desire to bury him 6 foot deep and head down A good fun write Sue and I bet it goes down a treat with an audience. Every town has a Tantrum Tossing Tommie

[mummsie]

We all know one of these Maureen-every trip to the supermarket-there they are

[Terry]

That's a beauty Sue and sure to be a winner anywhere you care to recite it.

I think it will also so well in the humorous section of any written comp. as well.

Cheers Sue

Terry

[mummsie]

Thank you Terry. I've had a bit of success with this one including 1st place in the ladies original humorous section at this years Australian Championships. Its a lot of fun to perform.
Cheers
Sue

[Heather]

As long as Tommie belongs to someone else!

[Shelley Hansen]

Love it, Sue! I seem to remember you reciting this one in Bundaberg at the Queensland Championships ... am I right?

Cheers, Shelley

[mummsie]

I guess most kids have a Tommie moment at some time or other Heather
Yes Shelley-I do believe I did.