A LOVERS MOON

[Terry]

Perhaps I should try my luck with Mills & Boon.

Trout season opens on Saturday


The Lovers Moon

She sat there on a lonely beach and watched the rising moon,
a brilliant silver orb that slowly rose above the dune.
Her mind was drifting back in time when she was young and trim,
recalling now those precious months that she had shared with Jim
And soon the tears that threatened started rolling down her cheek;
again that wave of sadness that had hovered near all week.

For countless years she’d made her trip to visit this same place,
regardless of the weather, this one day she would embrace.
And there relive those happy times that had been far too short,
abruptly ended by a war, where all men must report.
And soon the telegram arrived that wives and lovers feared,
for somewhere out from where she sat his ship had disappeared.

The hours passed by so quickly as she lived those times again;
the happiness and heartache with the good times and the pain.
For fifty years she’d journeyed here to say a silent prayer,
reliving precious moments and the love that they would share.
And wishfully she looked to sea beyond where dreams could reach
then rose and slowly hobbled, back along the moonlit beach.


******

© T.E.Piggott

[mummsie]

Another lovely write Terry. There would be a lot of war widows that could relate to this.
Hope you don't mind me saying, first line of verse three seems a little bumpy, maybe you could leave out "so", that would correct the metre.

Cheers
Sue

[Maureen K Clifford]

Beautiful Terry - ticks boxes with me


and women will wail and women will weep
as their sailor sails away
and always the love for their sailor they’ll keep
but the sea is his mistress today

Cheers

Maureen

[Terry]

Thanks Sue,

Of course I don't mind that's what homeworks all about.

I've checked that line out and it seems ok to me, maybe it's the way I'm reading it,
perhaps the line could be rewritten and might flow better, I'll be interested in how it
sounds to others.

Cheers Terry

[Terry]

Thanks Maureen,

Love that little verse of yours

Terry

[Rimeriter]

A very enjoyable and heart rending piece. "Thanks"

I think that 'so' should go.

"Ta"
Jim.

[LongMan]

G'day Terry,

Yep its a very cool piece of work. Lots has gone into it. The only think I'd say was the last lines could be a little better, but that's not important. What your wrote I felt was great and you obvious knew all about it. The image in the verse was there and the rhyme.

PHIL

[Bob Pacey]

No problem my end Terry. I think the so fits Sue ?

Best test is too say it out loud ?


Bob

[DollyDot]

Hi Terry

Your poem really appealed to me but then it would death, dying, love, lost love - I'm a sucker for.
Thanks for sharing
Dot

PS Are you related to Piggotts in Townsville?

[Neville Briggs]

I think Terry that you meant it to be read as
The hours passed by so quickly ( stresses on hours and by and quick)
but in usual speech rhythm we say
The hours passed by so quickly.
with equal stress on hours and passed and perhaps also on by.
the hours passed by so quickly

As far as I know, it's one of those things where no rule applies. In a way Sue is right, it is not strictly maintaining the iambic metre that you have set. But on the other hand, the rest of the metre suggests that you want hours to be stressed and passed to be unstressed and if you want it that way, so be it.
And further, just to confuse the issue, I think it could be read as what is called a trochaic substitution and that is acceptable as well.

So in the end, you could leave it as it is, and it doesn't matter at all.

Though I think that in an ABPA comp , Sue's objection would be how the judge would see it.

ALL CLEAR