Jokes for Blokes.

[Rimeriter]

The Pope and the Rabbi.

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to
convert to Catholicism or leave Italy.

There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope
offered a deal: he'd have a religious debate with their leader. If
the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have
to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent
them in the debate. However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the
Pope spoke no Yiddish or Ladino, they agreed that it would be a
'silent' debate.

On the chosen day the Pope and rabbi sat opposite each other.

The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
The Rabbi looked back and raised one finger.

Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.
The Rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.
The Rabbi pulled out an apple.

With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that
the Rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy.

Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.
The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the
Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me
there is still only one God common to both our faiths.
"Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us.
The Rabbi responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was
also right here with us.
"I pulled out the wine and host to show that through the perfect
sacrifice Jesus has atoned for our sins, but the Rabbi pulled out an
apple to remind me of the original sin.

He bested me at every move and I could not continue."

Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the Rabbi how he'd won.
"I haven't a clue," said the Rabbi. "First, he told me that we had
three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger.
"Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews but
I told him emphatically that we were staying right here."
"And then what?" asked a woman.
"Who knows?" said the Rabbi. "He took out his lunch, so I took out mine."*
***

[Rimeriter]

Bet the blokes don't read this.

Wonder why !!


Subject: The Cow,
the Ant and
the Old Fart.





A cow, an ant and an old fart

are debating on

who is the greatest of the three of them.



The cow said, "I give 20 quarts of milk every day
and that's why I am the greatest!"


The ant said, "I work day and night,
summer and winter.

I can carry 52 times my own weight
and that's why I am the greatest!"

Why are you scrolling down ?









It's your turn to say something.

***

[Rimeriter]

Not really a joke.
There are only nine questions.

This'll test 'em.

This is a quiz for people who know everything!

I found out in a hurry that I didn't.
These are not trick questions.
They are straight questions with straight answers..

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor
the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several
growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year.
What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a
real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and
the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way.
How did the pear get inside the bottle?

6. Only three words in standard English begin with the
letters 'dw' and they are all common words.
Name two of them.

7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar.
Can you name at least half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen,
canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet
beginning with the letter 'S.'

ANSWERS SOON.

***
PLEASE DO YOUR PART :
Today is National Mental Health Day.
You can do your part by remembering to send this e-mail to at least one mentally-challenged person.

Perhaps I got everything right.

***

[warooa]

Okay Jim . . .

1. Boxing

2. Niagara Falls (thanks Google )

3.??

4. Strawberry

5. They built the bottle around the pear.

6. dwelt and dwarf.

7. Comma, apostrophe, colon, semi-colon, hyphen, full stop, exclamation mark, question mark, inverted comma . . . um.

8. Avocado.

9. Shoes, sandals, socks, slippers, stillettoes , scuffs, sneakers.

[Heather]

Got a big collection of stilletoes have you Marty?

do they match your bra?

[Dave Smith]

Marty ya missed out Dwunks and Dwinkin'.

TTFN

[Maureen K Clifford]

That would be dwindlin' drunks drinkin' Dave because of they spent to much time harvesting their ginger, yams and rhubarb

Avocados are processed into guacamole - Lettuce I suspect are the untouched virgins of the vegetable world.

[warooa]

Yeah I have to freeze my own lettuce only once the enzymes are broken down via freezing can our tadpoles eat it. But, Maureen - don't those mixed salad/lettuce bags constitute the food being sold "processed"? Jim?

Marty

[Maureen K Clifford]

Could do? We will have to wait for Jim to give the answers. Why won't the tadpoles eat the lettuce the way it is???? I doubtMother Nature has a freezer so readily available

[r.magnay]

.....they hang the bottle over the young pear and let it grow to maturity it while inside the bottle......I think.