The House on the Hill

[Stephen Whiteside]

The House on the Hill

For Zondrae...

It stood all alone in a sea of despair,
Wanting for pity, for loving, and care,
With weeds in the garden, and dust on the sill,
And a list to the left as though terribly ill.
They neglected the house on the hill.

We needed a home that would not cost the earth;
A place that through work we might offer re-birth.
We studied it hard, from the north, from the south,
Then we marched to the bank with our heart in our mouth.
We purchased the house on the hill.

All winter we laboured, though rain and through frost,
With cold benumbed fingers, all hope nearly lost;
Each job completed revealed a new flaw,
And we dreaded each dawn what the day held in store.
We doubted the house on the hill.

At last, though, came feelings that bordered on hope;
A sense that we'd dropped to the end of the rope,
That things were improving, a corner'd been turned,
And now we were bearing sweet fruits we had earned.
We trusted the house on the hill.

It's hard to believe, as we sit on the porch,
And around us, below, shines each house, like a torch,
It was not always thus. A vigil we keep,
As the town dims its lights, and retires for sleep.
We love our dear house on the hill.

(Just an idea...)

[Peely]

G'day Stephen

When I saw the title, I immediately thought of Zondrae. I know she has had a poem with this title in her works in progress (I assume it is still there) for quite some time. It was interesting looking at some of the ideas that I shared with her on a few different parts of the poem (I only saw parts of it), given that my own writing has matured somewhat since then, my suggestions now could be very different indeed.

Personally, I like what you have done here. It is a nice, simple structure that tells the story of the old house well.

Regards


John Peel

[Stephen Whiteside]

Thanks, John.

Interesting that she has discussed the poem with you, too. I attended Zondrae's bush poetry writing workshop at the National Folk Festival, and she mentioned she was trying to write a poem about 'The House on the Hill' (and she told the story briefly), but was getting stuck.

I think she was thinking in terms of four line verses, and struggling to find the rhythm. I just suggested this an alternative - five line verses, with a refrain in the final line.

Of course, the details are mine. I'm sure the poem would be very different if Zondrae wrote it.

On the other hand, I might have now killed the whole thing for her, as I've taken the 'unforgiveable' next step of doing more than simply making a suggestion, and actually written a poem. It's just that, once she had planted the seed in my mind - and the central image was a powerful one - I couldn't help myself.

[Peely]

G'day Stephen

It was four line stanzas and couplet rhymed from what I remember and in ballad metre (7 feet per line).

While I can see some similarities, there were quite a few differences too.

Sometimes it is hard not to throw ideas for rewrites for parts of someone's poem, particularly when it is sitting in front of you. It can help you with your skills in editing - that is why I think I do enjoy having a play with what is in front of me at the time.

I am sure she will keep at it until she is satisfied with it.

Regards


John Peel

[Stephen Whiteside]

Thanks, John.