melly critnas

[william williams]

A Dr. on TV said to have inner peace we should always finish things we start and we all could use more calm in our lives.

I looked through my house to find things I'd started and hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminunpsrcriptuns, an a box a chocletz.

Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now.

Sned this to all who need inner piss.

An telum u luvum.

And two al hve a Marry Crispmouse ......

bw

[Bob Pacey]

Just For You Bill. Ps not stealing your thread but it just fits mate.

Inner peace

I was feeling pretty down and out
Yeah my life was not the best
Just the pace of modern living
Had sucked out all me zest.

So I took some time to settle down
A week to spend at ease
Just hanging round the house
To do what ever I may please.

I started watching some tv
Just to kill the time I had
Oprah Winfrey, Kerrie-Anne
Those midday shows are not too bad.

But Doctor Phil, now there's a laugh
The things his quests all rave about
Until the day he said one thing
That really freaked me out.

"We must all find our inner peace" he said.
And don't curl up in defeat
Finish all those jobs around the house
Make our whole life complete.

So all fired up with new found vigour
I really took his words to heart
I would get stuck in and make an effort
Yeah I'd make a brand new start.

So I looked around the house today
For things that I had started
Then hadn't got to finish
I will not do this thing half hearted.

I found that half drunk Jim Beam bottle
That we'd left over from the party
By the time I'd knocked that bastard off
I was really feeling strong n hearty.

Then I polished off that bit of Baileys
That I'd been was saving for a treat
And a quarter bottle of Kahlua
Oh inner peace, mate it's so sweet.

Two shots of Johnny Walker
That left over apple pie
A near full pack of Tim Tam biscuits
Brought a sparkle to me eye.

The left over lollies from the sweet jar
A box of chocolates, my addiction
I washed them down with my last stubby
And my old Valium prescription.

I was feeling pretty bloody good
Things were now all getting sorted
I tried to fix the toilet
But my vision seemed distorted.

That front step I broke the other day
When I was feeling lazy
I was gonna fix that up as well
But my eye's are getting hazy.

There is still so much I want to do
Gotta mend that leaking tap
But I'm feeling really tired now
And I really need a nap.

Now I'm not much for daytime shows
Their content don't hold much sway
But I have to say Dr Phil's advice
Has really made my day.

So get stuck in and finish all those jobs
Try and find some stress release
I know mate cause I took Phil's advice
And I've now found
"Inner peace."

Bob Pacey ( C )

[Neville Briggs]

You pair , you've confirmed those things that the missuses accuse.

[william williams]

dat boorocca stuff shes a good ting feels gooooood now, cause now I is as jober as a sudge I really is onest Nebile

bill de old pppppp pot

[Maureen K Clifford]

Well fellows I took your advice and even finished off the job and put the empties in the bin, that was the empty bottles, the empty chocolate boxes, the empty chip packets, and the empty, the empty, darn something else was empty I'm sure, might have just been my brain...it'll come to me.

[Vic Jefferies]

Good Joke Bill and love the poem Bob!

[Neville Briggs]

The hardest thing to say when you've had too much booze Bill; British Constitution.

[william williams]

The hardest thing to say when you've had too much booze Bill; British Constitution.


: yeeeh mmmmate bbbbut sssheees a bbbbbugger wwwhennn yyyyah sssssstuttter


bill the old battler