I knew you wouldn't be able to resist Marty.
Again I draw attention to Bob's clear and plain sentences. No twisted syntax,
all the expressions suitable to the theme. Not a masterpiece, but a good example of using ordinary everyday contemporary speech. Direct and unambiguous.
Just a little bit of work needed on the punctuation.
Just my opinion, and it is based on the contemporary works that I read, I think it is good practice to try as far as possible to stick to such direct and clear speech. I think the
" trick ' is to weave into it some surprising and new " takes " but still in plain direct speech that we hear around us to-day. If we can do that, I think we can start to get poetic. Just my thoughts, I could be wrong, but that is how I am trying to learn.
Remember the judge's comments that David Campbell put up recently. She said people were trying to be " poetic " by using flowery speech ( words to that effect ). I think there was some good advice in David's post, from the judge.