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Re: A MOMENT IN SPRING

Posted: Sat Nov 06, 2010 1:10 pm
by Heather
Lovely Trisha. Good to have you back. I've seen this scene many times but you have put it into words beautifully. Reminds me of my apple tree in full blossom.

Heather :)

Re: A MOMENT IN SPRING

Posted: Sat Nov 06, 2010 7:31 pm
by Trisha Patterson
Thanks Heather. As a keen gardener, I think spring would have to be my favourite season. It must have got the creative juices flowing again, but I should imagine they will be short lived with summer just around the corner!
Cheers,
Trisha

Re: A MOMENT IN SPRING

Posted: Sun Nov 07, 2010 8:46 am
by Leonie
Beautiful imagery Trisha, for me it brings to mind my fence line of callistemons. The flowers have finished now but they are still a lovely sight with new growth tinting the tips pink. Now it's the melaleucas turn to flower. Yep, it's a great time of year, we just won't mention summer, yet. ;)

Re: A MOMENT IN SPRING

Posted: Sun Nov 07, 2010 2:35 pm
by Trisha Patterson
Hi Leonie,
Yes, it was my callistemons too, which prompted that little verse. All my natives have given a beautiful display this year. As each species finishes flowering, another one takes its place. A lot of work to get them all planted, but well worth it for the results.

Trisha

Re: A MOMENT IN SPRING

Posted: Sun Nov 07, 2010 4:15 pm
by Neville Briggs
Good Trisha.

Just a suggestion, the first lines of stanza 2 could read
" the roar of Patto's motorbike
is carried on the breeze"

Neville :lol:

Re: A MOMENT IN SPRING

Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2010 8:35 am
by Trisha Patterson
Good one Neville :lol: ...and quite apropriate. I'll have to incorporate that into another verse!

Trish

Re: A MOMENT IN SPRING

Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2010 2:46 pm
by Bellobazza
Hi Trisha...
I read this and enjoyed its lightness and imagery, but there was something else I couldn't quite put my finger on until I went back and read it more carefully. The lilting rhythm was spot on and nicely suited to the theme, but that wasn't quite it either.
Then I read it out loud and realised it was the 'consonance' of the lines that gave it that little extra tang. Lovely technique involved so as to make the recurring of sounds subtle and not draw attention. Well worth working up into something longer or incorporating into another larger piece I reckon.
Well done.

Cheers, Will.

Re: A MOMENT IN SPRING

Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2010 8:57 pm
by Trisha Patterson
Hi Will... thanks for reading and your comments. I rarely write long verses, but your suggestion is something to consider. I usually TRY to keep things brief and to the point without too much waffle. Sometimes it works and sometimes it does'nt. Depends on the subject usually.
Cheers
Trisha