Toolangi Pie
Posted: Sun Oct 30, 2016 1:44 pm
This poem got the unanimous vote of the primary class that judged Toolangi's "Adults Writing for Children" category. The adult judge wasn't so keen!
Toolangi Pie
© David Campbell, 2016
If visiting Toolangi, in C J Dennis land,
you’ll have to try the cooking, for then you’ll understand
why there are lots of tourists who constantly stop by…
the reason, very simply, is called Toolangi pie!
But what they’ll never tell you, the mystery they hide,
is what that pie is made of, the stuff they put inside,
for if that was discovered those tourists would go pale,
and say that those who made it should all be locked in jail!
However, if you’re quiet, and promise not to tell,
I’ll let you know the secret, and why it has that smell,
but hold your nose while reading, I hope your stomach’s strong,
for anything you’ve eaten may not stay there for long!
To start they fill a saucepan with yummy, wriggling worms,
to which they add a teaspoon of tasty toilet germs,
a cupful of cicadas to give the pie some crunch…
now tell me if you’re feeling you’d like to have some lunch?
They mix all that together and add the slime of snails,
then stick it in a blender with seven cockroach tails,
a tablespoon of maggots, some sticky, gooey stuff
that grubs leave in the garden, and belly-button fluff!
Then when it’s good and mushy they pour it in a jug
with half a cup of beetles and one big juicy slug,
and then they slowly heat it until it’s piping hot,
and sprinkle on some spiders, and just a pinch of snot!
When this is bubbling nicely they tip it in a crust
that’s made of lizards’ gizzards and vacuum cleaner dust,
then serve it on a platter with possum vomit sauce,
and visitors all love it…they want a second course!
So that’s Toolangi’s secret, but please don’t breathe a word,
for all the cooks are children, at least that’s what I’ve heard,
and if they knew I’d told you then they’d come after me,
and maybe bits of poet would end up in your tea!
Toolangi Pie
© David Campbell, 2016
If visiting Toolangi, in C J Dennis land,
you’ll have to try the cooking, for then you’ll understand
why there are lots of tourists who constantly stop by…
the reason, very simply, is called Toolangi pie!
But what they’ll never tell you, the mystery they hide,
is what that pie is made of, the stuff they put inside,
for if that was discovered those tourists would go pale,
and say that those who made it should all be locked in jail!
However, if you’re quiet, and promise not to tell,
I’ll let you know the secret, and why it has that smell,
but hold your nose while reading, I hope your stomach’s strong,
for anything you’ve eaten may not stay there for long!
To start they fill a saucepan with yummy, wriggling worms,
to which they add a teaspoon of tasty toilet germs,
a cupful of cicadas to give the pie some crunch…
now tell me if you’re feeling you’d like to have some lunch?
They mix all that together and add the slime of snails,
then stick it in a blender with seven cockroach tails,
a tablespoon of maggots, some sticky, gooey stuff
that grubs leave in the garden, and belly-button fluff!
Then when it’s good and mushy they pour it in a jug
with half a cup of beetles and one big juicy slug,
and then they slowly heat it until it’s piping hot,
and sprinkle on some spiders, and just a pinch of snot!
When this is bubbling nicely they tip it in a crust
that’s made of lizards’ gizzards and vacuum cleaner dust,
then serve it on a platter with possum vomit sauce,
and visitors all love it…they want a second course!
So that’s Toolangi’s secret, but please don’t breathe a word,
for all the cooks are children, at least that’s what I’ve heard,
and if they knew I’d told you then they’d come after me,
and maybe bits of poet would end up in your tea!