ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

Clancy’s Aussie Post KO

© David Campbell 1/06/16
(with apologies to Mr Paterson!)

I had written him a letter which I had, for want of better
knowledge, sent to where I met him in a town not far away.
I had stamped it and addressed it and then sent it, yes, you guessed it,
via Aussie Post, the lottery that’s sending us all grey!

When no answer came directed as I normally expected
I began to think that Clancy might be laid up in his bed,
so I saddled up Apollo and I left our sleepy hollow
to ensure my friend was chipper and not crook or even dead!

But I found on my arrival that no threat to his survival
was apparent for old Clancy was as fit as fit could be,
so we chatted and decided that what Aussie Post provided
was a service that made “snail mail” seem a written guarantee!

He said: “Mate, I didn’t get it, and, in truth I’d like ter bet it
’as been sent ter forrin places, maybe Bourke or Gundagai,
or it’s gorn off fer a wander in that wide brown land out yonder
till it rests in letter ’eaven in that postbox in the sky.”

Now they’ve upped the bloody prices it’s a move that sacrifices
any hope of getting letters in this lifetime or the next,
for they disappear forever in a postal never-never,
leaving all we letter-writers feeling angry and perplexed.

But while sitting there with Clancy he said: “Mate, I rather fancy
there’s a brand new service comin’ that’ll be the way ter go.
Aussie Post can’t get much sicker an’ this new lot will be quicker,
so just keep a weather eye out fer a mob called Cobb & Co!"

Very clever, David - I love it!

My friend who lives in Melbourne ordered a coat online - which was posted from Denmark. On the same day her mother who lives here in Queensland posted her a letter.

You guessed it ... the coat arrived before her Mum's letter.

Cheers
Shelley

Very funny I David - the poem, not the postal service which can only be described as tragic. I sent a birthday card to someone interstate and it took about two weeks.

Heather

Love the poem, David.

There never seems to be an issue when it comes to delivering bills

Shelley, Heather and Allan: thank you, glad you enjoyed it. I suspect we've all got our Aussie Post stories. One area of concern for us is competition entries. I've had a couple go astray. One (to WA) vanished completely and another (to NSW) arrived after the closing date despite being posted in plenty of time. Given the current uncertainty about delivery times it'd be better if competition organisers used "postmarked by" the closing date rather than "must be received by". The former gives us a little more control over getting entries in on time.

Cheers
David

it would be better still if competitions all upgraded to allowing people to pay via Pay Pal/direct debit or online and to submit their entries electronically. I confess I no longer bother with ones that don't, as I have better things to do than stand in line at the PO and pay extra $'s for a money order as I no longer have a cheque account.

Agreed, Maureen, but although quite a few bush poetry competitions now allow online payment, there aren't many as yet allowing online submissions. As mentioned in a discussion a while ago, that process requires organisers to either print out entries (a big job if multiple copies are needed) or email them on to the judge(s), which assumes all judges are accessible by email. I still have a cheque account and can understand how inconvenient using the money order option must be.

Cheers
David

This is absolutely brilliant David; I love it! ...And don't even get me started on the postal system - I thought it was just Thai Post!

Not for me I don't do anything on the web.

Bob

Thanks, Catherine! Yes, you've got an even bigger timing problem with your entries coming from OS.

Mightn't have much choice within a few years, Bob! Virtual reality fishing?

Cheers
David