ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

Last year I wrote a poem for my friend Kerrie who was turning 49 and was NOT HAPPY about that fact. This year the big 50 came around and rather than have a party she decided to escape on a cruise so I thought she deserved another poem. This is my first attempt at internal rhyme. I know there are a few bumpy bits - but hey, it says what I want it to. Little does Kerrie know that we are going to give her a "surprise" in a couple of weeks - Ha, who gets the last laugh now?

Comments and advice welcome. Here goes...

Perfect for an occasional verse Heather, Just don't try reciting it to her after you've sampled a few glasses of birthday party champagne....... who would have the last laugh then ?

Sounds al right to me Heather The only one that I might change is the second verse

You thought to confuse us by boarding a cruise

Perhaps just drop the us ! seems to roll better without it >

still good though

Cheers Bob

...G'day Heather, I reckon it's pretty bloody good....not that you would know you young wippersnapper....you lucky young wippersnapper! I always reckon getting old is a pain in the bum....but it sure beats the alternative!....

Thanks for the advice Neville. Note to self: read poem before partaking of bubbly beverages.

Bob, I had trouble with that line. I originally had "bemuse" and changed it to "confuse" and I agree it's bumpy but if I take out "us" I lose the metre. I could also use "amuse". May need some more contemplating - on another day.

Thanks Ross. It took a while to do the internal rhyme but once I got into the mood and the rhythm it became easier. My husband says he'd hate to think how long I took to write it (when I should have been doing bookwork for the tax man!) - it doesn't matter I tell him - it's good for my brain!

Heather

That it is - and keeping those gray cells going is important. Good fun poem your mate will be very chuffed I think.

I agree with Bob's comment - regardless of the technicalities it reads better without it. One speed bump removed. You've done very well - it works for me.

Cheers

Maureen

The option of NOT turning Fifty or any other age in the future should never be contemplated, but should be looked forward to with eager anticipation.

They're milestones to be celebrated...

Wow Heather good looks and brains how lucky can ya get.

Our eldest daughter did not turn 50 last year it was 40/10 and don’t think any different.Ya mate will love ya for the poem.

TTFN

Heather
Perhaps replace "us" with "just".?
Just a suggestion .
Val W

G'day Heather

Or what about changing the 'to' in the line to 'you'd':

you thought you'd confuse us by boarding a cruise
thus avoiding your friends for the sun.

I think it might have been the word 'to' that was making the line jar.

Regards


John Peel