The Test

[Bob Pacey]

Seem to be on a bit of a medical run at the monent. Must be the old body breaking down.


Mate I'd had this bit of trouble
There was something not quite right
I was going to the toilet
All through the bloody night.

And I couldn't pee when I got there
Ah well only just a trickle
I'd go back to bed then I'd be up again
I was really in a pickle.

So I went to see my doctor
To check on what was wrong
I've only just turned fifty-nine
And I'm still feeling fit and strong.

Now your at an age ! the doctor said
Where things can start to fail
We better check on everything
So hop up on the scale.

Your a little overweight, He says
Things are looking pretty grim
You'll have to cut down on the grog
Mate I've got news for him.

He poked me and he prodded me
He made me cough and hack
And take my deepest bloody breath
While he listened to me back.

My blood pressure, he checked that out
With this thing around my arm
We'll check your blood for sugar
It can't do any harm.

Well things were going great mate
I'd started to get dressed
Then he said he'd have to do
A bloody prostate test.

Lay here on the couch! he says
My rear was all extended
I know now how those players felt
When Hopoate got suspended.

He stuck his finger in my date
It sent my sensors reeling
I jumped so high when he wriggled it
I left claw marks in the ceiling.

He pushed again and felt around
Said things felt pretty stable
He said I might feel like a pee
But I'd just done it on the table.

I'm sure that he was smiling
As I crawled further up the bench
I though, there's got to be a better way
My cheeks began to clench.

He said a P.S.A. in blood test
Is a surer way of telling
This is just a nice quick way
To check for any swelling.

I couldn't get my strides up quick enough
I left skid marks on the floor
I'm sure I heard him laughing
As I bolted out the door.

Well they took me blood and checked it out
My P.S.A. was one point three
and my bladder was infected
See that's why I couldn't pee.

They say I must get tested once a year
So things are looking pretty grim
But I won't be going back again
At least mate not to him.

See I've found this lady doctor
Her hands are smaller than the rest
If they have to check me prostate
I might as well enjoy the bloody test.

Bob Pacey ( C )

[Heather]

Oh the joys of growing older hey Bob! That should give the audiences a good laugh, especially the last line.

Heather

[Neville Briggs]

Ohh Bob I could hardly read it without squirming medical examinations are soooo undignified. I guess they are better than the " treatment ' for things gone wrong.

[Bob Pacey]

Thanks Heather and Neville, as you can see by my lack of finesse I write most of my poems in a pretty simple format that's because it's easier to remember that way, well for me it is. I've got around 75 stuck in the brain somewhere with bits and pieces of others that I started learning and then lost interest or found another one a bit more exciting. Going back over every one as I drive to work and home each day helps and of course the hours I spend on that flamin ride on mower.

Thanks again Cheers Bob