ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

I spend an average of 5 hours a week mowing not hard to find the inspiration for this one.

Now you've heard some famous stories
Of great bulls no one could ride
Bulls that want to kill you
Or tear pieces off your hide.

But some simple things can cause ya grief
and bruise ya body kill or main
And so I'll tell you all my story
And stake my claim to fame.

See I brought this ride on mower
I got it cheap cause' I paid cash
It had heaps of dials and switches
I pod headphones on the dash.

And me being an Aussie male
Was checking out this ipod feature
When the pimpled faced young salesman
Told me how to drive this creature.

Well I got it home on my new trailer
feeling oh so bloody smart
Turned the key in the ignition
But the bastard wouldn't start

Then I checked the mower manual
instruction item number one
say's you must be sitting in the seat
or this stinkin thing won't run.

Now here's some other good advice
That's now imbedded in my scone
you must not climb aboard this beast
with the starter switch turned on.

I sat down on the padded seat
and then went to drink me beer
But the motor roared to instant life
And' I'd left the mongrel thing in gear.

It stood up on its rear wheels
Like some angry king brown snake
I almost dropped me stubby
As I pumped hard on the brake.

We wiped out half the chook pen
then went careering down the yard
I hooked up on the picket fence
and tore off half a guard.

I jammed hard down on the steering wheel
to try to gain back some control
missed the veggie garden on two wheels
Then thought "shit I'm gonna roll".

And I must have flicked the mulching switch
When I hit the garden stool
cause it sprayed dirt and muck and gravel
out across the bloody pool.

I wrapped me legs around the seat
gripped the steering wheel like glue
then we hit the rockery garden wall
and off back up the yard we flew.

Buckin' bouncin' screamin'
like this day would be my last
It took off like an untamed colt
I musta bumped the gears ta fast.

I careered straight through the pagoda
bounced off a table, hit some stools
It threw me forward on the gear stick
and fair crushed me "family jewels."

I let out a scream like Tarzan
oh the pain was so intense
down the driveway, round' the cloths line
headed for the barbed wire fence

I bailed out just as I hit it
gees! those little sharp bits hurt
then my shirt caught on the catcher
and it dragged me through the dirt.

Now for a fleeting nano second
the fence stopped it in its track
then with a twang the wire let go
and I felt the post go wack.

I was rolling round behind this beast
just trying to survive
then the front wheel caught a paver
and sent it sideways down the drive.

Now I was missing pieces off me hide
Had bruises from the water tank
Then we hit the storage dam at full speed
and the bastard stopped, then sank.

Well that was it, all over
I lay panting in the mud
I would have checked my injuries
But I couldn't see for blood.

Now there are stories on the circuit
About how Chainsaw was the best
But I reckon my new mower
Would put most riders to the test

There's those that talk of scary rides
that would frighten any drover
But I reckon they’d be pretty tame
After the day I rode me Rover.

Bob Pacey ( C )

very good Bob enjoyed the laugh

Bill the old Battler

me too I used one of those things - once. Never again

Good one Bob, can't wait to see you perform it in person.

K.

Good one Bob!
I spend nearly as much time mowing as you, but thankfully my "DEERE" is somewhat tamer than your Rover!
Cheers
Trish

That's a good one for the bush poets performances, Bob.

Thanks all.

I've got a full set now wipper snipper, chain saw and mower. Perhaps I should start my own garden shop.

I'd like to see you perfom it ON the mower Bob!

Heather