The Coolwaters 5000

[Bob Pacey]

Little bit of story here, Don ( Of Pole Dancing Fame ) has a gammy leg, Ann has as well and Stewie rides a battery operated bike, Heard them talking in the camp about these modes of transport and a race was mentioned so jotted this down and then read it to them at the last campfire.

Ps Miss molly is a lovely little dog who comes out for her pat every day and Mr Bear is well Mr Bear a golden retriever who sees all and Waldo is our resident singing Lab .

Of course I could not really win.

The Coolwaters 5000

Word spread quickly through the park that Don was on the move
we’d seen his dancing style, he was really in the groove.
But his speed was getting slower and he couldn’t ride a bike
so he lashed out with abandon and brought a shiny new red trike.

Now Don was never one for boasting but this trike could really fly
and he would cruise around Coolwaters with a twinkle in his eye
Then he started giving people cheek with comments oh so cute
he’d leave them standing breathless as down the road he’d scoot.

Now Ann whose down on thirty - two she was an expert at her trade
for her blue wee ripper scooter, a lot of cash she’d paid.
She knew her beast was faster and would put Dons to the test
so a race was then arranged to see whose trike was the best.

Now one on one can be exciting but boring just the same
so they recruited Bob the poet and Stewie for the game.
See Bobs big ride on mower was so powerful smooth and quick
and Stewies bike could really fly, his silver beast was really slick.

So on a quiet Sunday arvo the battle ground was set
The residents all gathered round some keen to place a bet.
Once around the van park with the first one past the post
to claim the crown of champion and forever then to boast.

They lined up near the fire pit four abreast across the road
the insults flying thickly as each other did they goad.
Then Vinnie waved the red flag and the camp ground earth did shake
as Bobs throbbing terminator quickly left them in his wake.

Behind Bobs red enforcer Don sort some kinda edge
he swung the trikes wheel right and pushed Ann into the hedge.
Stewie hit the ground a running as he flew past Toms abode
but Don was on a mission and quickly ran him off the road.

Ann somehow recovered from the hedges sudden shock
she quickly took a short cut straight through the toilet block.
Then she met Stewie on the corner and took a God almighty hit
it sent her spewing sideways straight into the sewerage pit.

They hit their straps around the bend all winding up flat chat
Ann clipped Bryan on fifty three and ran over his hat.
Stewie got the wobbles and Don turned around to gloat
but he paid for inattention and careered under Micks boat.

With all this carnage in his wake Bob marvelled at their folly
why he even took some time to stop and have a play with Molly.
Down past the side three hundred sites this frantic battle raged
Don hit Stewie with his cane and Ann was like a tiger caged.

There was no quarter given but this lot weren't in the hunt
Bob took the time to mow a site he was so far in front.
He trimmed a hedge or two and put a bin back into place
Chatted to Col Pearson, Huh they call this farce a race.

Around the final turn they flew and Bob was lookin trite
but the mowers front wheel hit an edge and threw it to the right.
he wiped out all the hedges took a God almighty leap
clipped the corner ensuite and ended in a tangled heap.

Three abreast across the road came Stewie, Ann and Don
the pedal to the metal as their friends all urged them on.
They shouldered one another elbows canes and insults flying
but the pace was getting slower as their batteries started dying.

Mr Bear got up and moved as he had sensed some strife
Waldo started howling and all the dogs ran for their life.
The air was turning blue as four letter words rang out
this was to be a bonza finish of that there was no doubt.

They sped towards the finish line at 2 kilometres an hour
Stewie started pedalling and Don was looking sour.
Ann was on the inside almost standing on her seat
they all hit the line together ! Oh No a triple trike dead heat

There was no way to split them for there no camera judge
Stewie offered heaps of money but nobody would budge..
Don called for the stewards but his efforts were in vain
and Ann slowly toddled home to drink away her pain.

Don still cruises round the park but he’s a little quieter now
He still can’t believe the outcome but he has made a solum vow.
Next year he’ll be back again and his presence will be larger
His bright red trike will be boosted by a brand new Turbo charger.

Bob Pacey 2013

[Maureen K Clifford]

Wish I could see that Robere would have been a riot - maybe you can really stage it though I doubt it would be half as good but doubt it would be a solemn occassion Loved the poem bet they were in stitches when you read that out for them

Didn't realize your park allowed 4 legged people - sounds a great place to retire to - I think it is your own perfect little piece of paradise up there.