Re: How did I survive ?
Posted: Tue Aug 13, 2013 11:05 am
I like it. 
The down to earth language of the day is the best thing about it. I think in the bush poets that we should take note to go for that free wheeling sort of speech, put a line through all those words that are " metre fillers "
Although I think to maintain the impact of such energetic speech it is important to try wherever possible to have sentences of subject-verb-object in that order.
e.g. the last line of stanza 1 separates the syntax and leaves the verb dangling a bit.
A bit of tweeking here and there it would look good.
Otherwise I think it is great. You'll be into the free verse poetry slam before you know it Marty.
The down to earth language of the day is the best thing about it. I think in the bush poets that we should take note to go for that free wheeling sort of speech, put a line through all those words that are " metre fillers "
Although I think to maintain the impact of such energetic speech it is important to try wherever possible to have sentences of subject-verb-object in that order.
e.g. the last line of stanza 1 separates the syntax and leaves the verb dangling a bit.
A bit of tweeking here and there it would look good.
Otherwise I think it is great. You'll be into the free verse poetry slam before you know it Marty.