When Santa got Stuck in the Chimney
Posted: Sat Dec 11, 2010 6:02 am
When Santa got Stuck in the Chimney
© Stephen Whiteside 26.12.09
When Santa got stuck in the chimney
The rafters began to all shake.
The glass in the window was rattling.
It felt like a major earthquake.
The dogs ran outside to start barking.
The dogs in the street all joined in.
When Santa got stuck in the chimney,
It triggered a very loud din.
I assumed that things soon would get better,
But they didn’t. They only got worse.
My mum and my dad began talking
In language decidedly terse.
The shaking got stronger and stronger.
In fear that the house would fall down,
I raced out in just my pyjamas,
And felt like a bit of a clown.
I gazed at the top of our chimney.
There wasn’t a doubt he was stuck.
I can’t really say it was anyone’s fault.
I just put it down to bad luck.
The sleigh had careered down the tiles,
And caught on the gutter’s fine rim.
The reindeer were harnessed securely.
Their immediate future looked grim.
I shouted, “We must save the reindeer!
They’ll crash with the sleigh to the ground!”
A crowd on the street had now gathered,
And a ladder was instantly found.
With shouts from poor mum of “Be careful!”,
Dad climbed to the edge of the roof.
I was scared. I was sure any moment
He’d be struck in the face by a hoof.
In fact, he performed the job safely.
The reindeer flew off in the night.
The sleigh dropped, and took out the ladder,
And dad got a hell of a fright.
He clung to the edge of the gutter,
His legs swinging high above ground.
There were now many dads on the footpath.
They raced to his aid with a bound.
Then one on another two’s shoulders
Reached both of his arms around dad’s waist.
With the shaking more violent than ever,
I urged them to make greater haste.
They lowered poor dad to the ground,
Then they sprinted as one for the gate.
Though the rescue had been most efficient,
It seemed it had still come too late.
For the house gave a final, brief shudder,
And collapsed in a great cloud of dust.
I prayed that the brave men would somehow survive,
But it seemed surely perish they must.
Then I gasped with relief and amazement,
As the four landed safe at our feet.
They’d been caught in an updraft or something.
It was like they just couldn’t be beat!
Then Santa emerged from the wreckage,
With colours dust white and soot black,
But no one raced forward to greet him.
We were angry and dazed, and held back.
We felt if he hadn’t have panicked,
This mess might have all been prevented.
He was heckled and jostled and slandered,
As rage and frustration were vented.
But at last we all came to our senses.
We saw there was work still to do.
We dusted him down. The reindeer returned,
And off in the still night he flew.
It was all in the news the next morning.
Reporters went through with a comb:
How Santa’d got STUCK IN A CHIMNEY,
And brought down A VERY GOOD HOME.
But he hadn’t destroyed a good home.
He had only demolished a dwelling
The distinction is fine but important.
The story is well worth the telling.
The insurers would not pay the damage.
They’d snuck in a clause about Santa.
Though mum and dad pleaded and begged,
They shrugged off our claim in a canter.
Well this, too, was in all the papers.
Poor mum and dad were quite stunned.
The whole population soon rallied,
And built a benevolent fund.
Donations were mighty and many.
Dear mum and dad were so glad.
The house that we built as replacement
Exceeded the one that we’d had!
Now we always look forward to Christmas,
But it never compares to the year
When Santa got stuck in the chimney,
And left us in very good cheer!
(There, Heather! That should REALLY give your friend's son nightmares!)
© Stephen Whiteside 26.12.09
When Santa got stuck in the chimney
The rafters began to all shake.
The glass in the window was rattling.
It felt like a major earthquake.
The dogs ran outside to start barking.
The dogs in the street all joined in.
When Santa got stuck in the chimney,
It triggered a very loud din.
I assumed that things soon would get better,
But they didn’t. They only got worse.
My mum and my dad began talking
In language decidedly terse.
The shaking got stronger and stronger.
In fear that the house would fall down,
I raced out in just my pyjamas,
And felt like a bit of a clown.
I gazed at the top of our chimney.
There wasn’t a doubt he was stuck.
I can’t really say it was anyone’s fault.
I just put it down to bad luck.
The sleigh had careered down the tiles,
And caught on the gutter’s fine rim.
The reindeer were harnessed securely.
Their immediate future looked grim.
I shouted, “We must save the reindeer!
They’ll crash with the sleigh to the ground!”
A crowd on the street had now gathered,
And a ladder was instantly found.
With shouts from poor mum of “Be careful!”,
Dad climbed to the edge of the roof.
I was scared. I was sure any moment
He’d be struck in the face by a hoof.
In fact, he performed the job safely.
The reindeer flew off in the night.
The sleigh dropped, and took out the ladder,
And dad got a hell of a fright.
He clung to the edge of the gutter,
His legs swinging high above ground.
There were now many dads on the footpath.
They raced to his aid with a bound.
Then one on another two’s shoulders
Reached both of his arms around dad’s waist.
With the shaking more violent than ever,
I urged them to make greater haste.
They lowered poor dad to the ground,
Then they sprinted as one for the gate.
Though the rescue had been most efficient,
It seemed it had still come too late.
For the house gave a final, brief shudder,
And collapsed in a great cloud of dust.
I prayed that the brave men would somehow survive,
But it seemed surely perish they must.
Then I gasped with relief and amazement,
As the four landed safe at our feet.
They’d been caught in an updraft or something.
It was like they just couldn’t be beat!
Then Santa emerged from the wreckage,
With colours dust white and soot black,
But no one raced forward to greet him.
We were angry and dazed, and held back.
We felt if he hadn’t have panicked,
This mess might have all been prevented.
He was heckled and jostled and slandered,
As rage and frustration were vented.
But at last we all came to our senses.
We saw there was work still to do.
We dusted him down. The reindeer returned,
And off in the still night he flew.
It was all in the news the next morning.
Reporters went through with a comb:
How Santa’d got STUCK IN A CHIMNEY,
And brought down A VERY GOOD HOME.
But he hadn’t destroyed a good home.
He had only demolished a dwelling
The distinction is fine but important.
The story is well worth the telling.
The insurers would not pay the damage.
They’d snuck in a clause about Santa.
Though mum and dad pleaded and begged,
They shrugged off our claim in a canter.
Well this, too, was in all the papers.
Poor mum and dad were quite stunned.
The whole population soon rallied,
And built a benevolent fund.
Donations were mighty and many.
Dear mum and dad were so glad.
The house that we built as replacement
Exceeded the one that we’d had!
Now we always look forward to Christmas,
But it never compares to the year
When Santa got stuck in the chimney,
And left us in very good cheer!
(There, Heather! That should REALLY give your friend's son nightmares!)
