My Big White Bum
My Big White Bum
As an exercise in hyperbole and exaggeration I wrote this for my weekly session with the local school kids.
MY BIG WHITE BUM
(c) M. Pattie 2011
It happens every year,
when monsoon storms appear;
our power went, sometime late at night.
In the darkness I was gropin’
just a feelin, searchin’ hopin’
that I’d not wake up the kids - and find a light.
But the kids awoke real scared,
and I wasn’t quite prepared,
cos the batteries in the torches were all flat.
Tryna find the cupboard handles
where I thought we kept some candles -
when Lily called out “Wow! What light is that!”
Well I wondered was I dreamin’
but the kids had all stopped screamin’
and my eyes adjusted . . . yep – there was a glow.
It was strange and quite flurescent,
and seemed rather omnipresent;
the giggling kids – they all seemed to know.
Now I wasn’t bein’ rude,
but I’d jumped up in the nude;
sleepin’ naked always was my rule of thumb.
And it never saw the light
so was illuminous and white,
as I staggered ‘round it glowed; my big white bum.
Just like a nine volt torch on charge,
but twenty times as large;
like a lava lamp it lit up all the gloom.
It was strange and somewhat scary,
‘cause it also was quite hairy;
as I walked around my bum lit up the room.
But not only a comfort light
for kids scared in the night;
so big and bright it’s seen from outer space.
By satellites and shooting stars,
it’s even seen on Mars
by little red men of the Martian race.
And so my bum so white and bare -
it was stuck up in the air;
not quite a comfy sleep that one would like.
Then just before the crack of dawn,
it lit up all the lawn,
and looked just the spot for Meg to park her bike.
Then my bum won a Nobel prize,
for its brightness and its size,
and then received a knighthood from the Queen.
The London cold sent it numb,
but she said “you are now Sir Bum”;
the whitest brightest knightest bum she’d seen.
MY BIG WHITE BUM
(c) M. Pattie 2011
It happens every year,
when monsoon storms appear;
our power went, sometime late at night.
In the darkness I was gropin’
just a feelin, searchin’ hopin’
that I’d not wake up the kids - and find a light.
But the kids awoke real scared,
and I wasn’t quite prepared,
cos the batteries in the torches were all flat.
Tryna find the cupboard handles
where I thought we kept some candles -
when Lily called out “Wow! What light is that!”
Well I wondered was I dreamin’
but the kids had all stopped screamin’
and my eyes adjusted . . . yep – there was a glow.
It was strange and quite flurescent,
and seemed rather omnipresent;
the giggling kids – they all seemed to know.
Now I wasn’t bein’ rude,
but I’d jumped up in the nude;
sleepin’ naked always was my rule of thumb.
And it never saw the light
so was illuminous and white,
as I staggered ‘round it glowed; my big white bum.
Just like a nine volt torch on charge,
but twenty times as large;
like a lava lamp it lit up all the gloom.
It was strange and somewhat scary,
‘cause it also was quite hairy;
as I walked around my bum lit up the room.
But not only a comfort light
for kids scared in the night;
so big and bright it’s seen from outer space.
By satellites and shooting stars,
it’s even seen on Mars
by little red men of the Martian race.
And so my bum so white and bare -
it was stuck up in the air;
not quite a comfy sleep that one would like.
Then just before the crack of dawn,
it lit up all the lawn,
and looked just the spot for Meg to park her bike.
Then my bum won a Nobel prize,
for its brightness and its size,
and then received a knighthood from the Queen.
The London cold sent it numb,
but she said “you are now Sir Bum”;
the whitest brightest knightest bum she’d seen.
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Re: My Big White Bum






Cheers
Sue
the door is always open, the kettles always on, my shoulders here to cry on, i'll not judge who's right or wrong.
- Maureen K Clifford
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Re: My Big White Bum


You are an idiot Marty



Cheers
Maureen
Check out The Scribbly Bark Poets blog site here -
http://scribblybarkpoetry.blogspot.com.au/
I may not always succeed in making a difference, but I will go to my grave knowing I at least tried.
http://scribblybarkpoetry.blogspot.com.au/
I may not always succeed in making a difference, but I will go to my grave knowing I at least tried.
Re: My Big White Bum
You see a title like that and you just know you're in for a ride. Loved it Marty and I'm sure the kids will too- they'll be scarred for life but they'll love it.
Toast Maureen! Eeeooo!
Heather

Toast Maureen! Eeeooo!
Heather

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Re: My Big White Bum
That's a ripper Marty,
I like the was it really flows as well.
Cheers Terry
I like the was it really flows as well.
Cheers Terry
- Bob Pacey
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Re: My Big White Bum
Isn't it the other Marty whose bum the sun shines out of ????/
Ro be rt
Ro be rt
The purpose in life is to have fun.
After you grasp that everything else seems insignificant !!!
After you grasp that everything else seems insignificant !!!
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Re: My Big White Bum
Gives a new meaning to Moonlight Sonata 

Neville
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.
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Re: My Big White Bum
Well done Marty. A good laugh
Regards, Jeff
Regards, Jeff