My Big White Bum

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warooa

My Big White Bum

Post by warooa » Thu Nov 17, 2011 4:53 am

As an exercise in hyperbole and exaggeration I wrote this for my weekly session with the local school kids.

MY BIG WHITE BUM
(c) M. Pattie 2011

It happens every year,
when monsoon storms appear;
our power went, sometime late at night.
In the darkness I was gropin’
just a feelin, searchin’ hopin’
that I’d not wake up the kids - and find a light.

But the kids awoke real scared,
and I wasn’t quite prepared,
cos the batteries in the torches were all flat.
Tryna find the cupboard handles
where I thought we kept some candles -
when Lily called out “Wow! What light is that!”

Well I wondered was I dreamin’
but the kids had all stopped screamin’
and my eyes adjusted . . . yep – there was a glow.
It was strange and quite flurescent,
and seemed rather omnipresent;
the giggling kids – they all seemed to know.

Now I wasn’t bein’ rude,
but I’d jumped up in the nude;
sleepin’ naked always was my rule of thumb.
And it never saw the light
so was illuminous and white,
as I staggered ‘round it glowed; my big white bum.

Just like a nine volt torch on charge,
but twenty times as large;
like a lava lamp it lit up all the gloom.
It was strange and somewhat scary,
‘cause it also was quite hairy;
as I walked around my bum lit up the room.

But not only a comfort light
for kids scared in the night;
so big and bright it’s seen from outer space.
By satellites and shooting stars,
it’s even seen on Mars
by little red men of the Martian race.

And so my bum so white and bare -
it was stuck up in the air;
not quite a comfy sleep that one would like.
Then just before the crack of dawn,
it lit up all the lawn,
and looked just the spot for Meg to park her bike.

Then my bum won a Nobel prize,
for its brightness and its size,
and then received a knighthood from the Queen.
The London cold sent it numb,
but she said “you are now Sir Bum”;
the whitest brightest knightest bum she’d seen.

mummsie
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Re: My Big White Bum

Post by mummsie » Thu Nov 17, 2011 7:11 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: What a sense of humor you have Marty. Love it.

Cheers
Sue
the door is always open, the kettles always on, my shoulders here to cry on, i'll not judge who's right or wrong.

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Maureen K Clifford
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Re: My Big White Bum

Post by Maureen K Clifford » Thu Nov 17, 2011 7:21 am

:lol: :lol: Could also no doubt double as a toast rack or illuminate the garden at Christmas time and act as a Santa beacon.

You are an idiot Marty :lol: :lol: :lol: but a lovely one, bet the kids loved this I know I did I'm still ROFL. Good fun

Cheers

Maureen
Check out The Scribbly Bark Poets blog site here -
http://scribblybarkpoetry.blogspot.com.au/


I may not always succeed in making a difference, but I will go to my grave knowing I at least tried.

Heather

Re: My Big White Bum

Post by Heather » Thu Nov 17, 2011 7:54 am

You see a title like that and you just know you're in for a ride. Loved it Marty and I'm sure the kids will too- they'll be scarred for life but they'll love it. :lol:

Toast Maureen! Eeeooo!

Heather :)

Terry
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Re: My Big White Bum

Post by Terry » Thu Nov 17, 2011 10:57 am

That's a ripper Marty,
I like the was it really flows as well.

Cheers Terry

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Bob Pacey
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Re: My Big White Bum

Post by Bob Pacey » Thu Nov 17, 2011 12:46 pm

Isn't it the other Marty whose bum the sun shines out of ????/


Ro be rt
The purpose in life is to have fun.
After you grasp that everything else seems insignificant !!!

Henry Snicklesnorter

Re: My Big White Bum

Post by Henry Snicklesnorter » Thu Nov 17, 2011 1:12 pm

Top stuff Marty, .... gave me a good laugh :lol:

Neville Briggs
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Re: My Big White Bum

Post by Neville Briggs » Thu Nov 17, 2011 4:50 pm

Gives a new meaning to Moonlight Sonata :o
Neville
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.

Jeff Thorpe
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Re: My Big White Bum

Post by Jeff Thorpe » Thu Nov 17, 2011 7:08 pm

Well done Marty. A good laugh

Regards, Jeff

warooa

Re: My Big White Bum

Post by warooa » Thu Nov 17, 2011 8:00 pm

I'm glad my bum cracked you all up :D

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