MUM AND DAD

[Neville Briggs]

Thanks Heather.

[Maureen K Clifford]

Me too Neville - that works well IMO

[Neville Briggs]

Thanks Maureen.

[manfredvijars]

I'm glad you posted all iterations Nev ...

[william williams]

hi Neville I liked the first version of Mom and Dad to me when I recited it out loud to me it has the sounds and feelings of a young lads way a of not speaking with proper diction and english would speak standing at the tomb of his parents and apologising for the way he turned out but still remembering them dearly.

To me that Poem recited has real feeling. Id like if you may, record it and put it on the forum

Bill Williams

[Neville Briggs]

Thanks Bill.

I should tell everybody that I spoke to Bill and he read my poem back to me. It was amazing. I have never had anyone read one of mine before. Bill put a depth of feeling into it that astonished me, far beyond what I could have managed ( I usually come last in the performance comps )

Thanks Manfred..er..I think

[Neville Briggs]

Thanks Matt.

[Irene]

Hi Neville
I'm with Bill - I like the first version better, as all but the last two lines are written in Trochaic (last two have slipped into Iambic!). and it flows better.
While I do like the last verse Maureen has suggested, it is all Iambic, and to me, changes the feel of the poems rhythm.

But enjoyed them both regardless!!

Catchya
IRene

[Neville Briggs]

Thanks Irene. This was one I have thought about completely rewriting, I'll think on that some more. Bill has sent me an audio. I'll put it on later at a suitable time.

[Leonie]

I'm not into audio much I must admit but I will be looking out for this one when you put it up. You have piqued my curiosity. I like both versions but like Irene and Bill I think I prefer the original just that little bit more. I'm not sure why that is to be honest, but I think I remember seeing this one before and I liked it then, perhaps I just don't want to see it change.

Love that last line. It's one of the things I notice when I run into an old friend or long lost relative that I haven't seen for years. They are always surprised that I recognise them but more often than not it's because they look so much like their Mother or Father as I remember them. And it works the other way too. I found an old photo of me, aged one, and it looks uncannily like my granddaughter, poor little tyke.