four thirty in the morning

[william williams]

Thanks everyone for youre remarks but reading it I knew there was some thing wrong so back to the drawing board as they say as my speech is different to my writing so here are the changed version now tell me is this better or not


The old neck bell will be clanging
Cause that roan’s now standing up.
A bellow here and birds are singing
as the cattle come awake
while the sun comes slowly up.

The ringer’s brought the horses in
The hobble chains removed.
And the old night horse will win
the right, to graze along the track.
Where the cattle they’ll be moved

So you’ll mount your horse and travel
behind that slowly moving mob.
For the cattle they’re no trouble,
as they graze along, that dusty track.
When you think about it, it’s just a job

bill the old battler

[Maureen K Clifford]

well I particularly liked the Piccaninny dawning line and you've thrown it away

[william williams]

Oh I am very sorry madam I have still retained it all, this is only the last three that I have changed. OHH bugger it. :roll:You was only having me on Maursie.


bill the old battler

[Neville Briggs]

It's your call Bill, but I think the one above is better, you have taken out some words which didn't need to be there. Good choice I reckon.

[Maureen K Clifford]

No I wasn't Bill -* sorry - my misunderstanding I thought you had ditched the rest of the poem and these 3 verses were it.

see sense is dawning now in this piccaninny

[thestoryteller]

Shared a few of those mornings mate.

Enjoyed the write.


Merv.