THE TOOTHACHE

[Cropduster]

THE TOOTHACHE

Me rotten tooth's been aching
for about a week or two.
Got a hole the size of Texas,
and it's murder when I chew.
Missus booked me at the dentist
but I'm here to tell you true -
There aint no way I'll have a bar of that.

She got me there the last time
and they sat me in this chair
with implements of torture
hanging every bloody where.
Then this sheila vacuums out my mouth,
hand on heart, I swear.
There aint no way I'll have a bar of that.

He says to me 'Now open wide',
sticks this needle in me gum.
If I was given half a chance
I'd have stuck it in his bum.
He said it was to kill the pain
to make my mouth go numb.
But there's no way I'll have a bar of that.

What on Earth possessed the man
to train up for a job
of diggin', proddin', rootin' round
In someone else's gob?
Not going to no dentist
that is why I'm at the pub.
There aint no way I'll have a bar of that.

Get me another schooner, mate
'cause it's your 'Wally Grout'.
Get the pliers from me tool box
and just yank the bugger out.
Don't you worry if I squeal a bit
Or swear or curse or shout
'cause there aint no way I'll have a bar of that.

Copyright (c) Allan Cropper September 2015

[Neville Briggs]

[Heather]

Dentists are the most unhappy people in the world - they are always down in the mouth.

(sorry, Bob joke I know)

Heather

[r.magnay]

Yeah good onya Allan, I actually have a poem in my book called the 'dental mechanic', it is about a mate of mine who is a mechanic by trade but did that very thing one night in the Kimba pub...pulled a blokes tooth...actually no, teeth out with a pair of pliers!

I might have to type it up sometime and post it...

[Neville Briggs]

The infamous American-west gunslinger, John Holliday, was a dentist ( that's why he was called Doc Holliday ), he probably killed more people by infecting them with his tuberculosis than by shooting them.