AUTUMNS REPOSE

In the interests in broadening our horizons, this section is devoted to verse which falls outside the parameters of rhyme and metre, such as blank verse and free verse. Registered users are welcome to post their original works here.
mummsie
Posts: 1033
Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:33 am
Location: Tumut, NSW

AUTUMNS REPOSE

Post by mummsie » Sat May 07, 2016 6:37 pm

I'm struggling with this but as usual I'm always up for a challenge

AUTUMNS REPOSE
Autumn trees,
bearing gifts of natural consequence.
Falling leaves, resplendent, even in death.
Dancing,
wilting,
changing,
playfully undressing. Seeking repose while
bearing in mind winters plan.
Leaving,
until the dawn of spring.
Last edited by mummsie on Sat May 07, 2016 10:07 pm, edited 5 times in total.
the door is always open, the kettles always on, my shoulders here to cry on, i'll not judge who's right or wrong.

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Maureen K Clifford
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Joined: Tue Nov 09, 2010 10:31 am
Location: Ipswich - Paul Pisasale country and home of the Ipswich Poetry Feast
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Re: AUTUMNS REPOSE

Post by Maureen K Clifford » Sat May 07, 2016 7:31 pm

works for me - I like it Sue
Check out The Scribbly Bark Poets blog site here -
http://scribblybarkpoetry.blogspot.com.au/


I may not always succeed in making a difference, but I will go to my grave knowing I at least tried.

Heather

Re: AUTUMNS REPOSE

Post by Heather » Sat May 07, 2016 8:53 pm

Yay, you did it! One small step...... :)

I'm not qualified to say if it's good or not but if i have a couple of questions/suggestions if that's ok.

What sort of trees?

Beautiful. I wouldn't use beautiful myself. Why are the trees beautiful? How can you say they are beautiful without using that word?

I guess I'm saying i want more details.

:)

Neville Briggs
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Re: AUTUMNS REPOSE

Post by Neville Briggs » Sat May 07, 2016 9:15 pm

Goodonya Sue. :)

Heather has some good points, naming things makes our verse more effective I think. I managed to find in the op shop a book on Australian wildflowers and one on garden trees and plants because I am hopeless at naming plant life. I think it is a valuable reference. For me anyway. :) I always have to keep asking, if I can find someone to tell me. :)
Neville
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.

mummsie
Posts: 1033
Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:33 am
Location: Tumut, NSW

Re: AUTUMNS REPOSE

Post by mummsie » Sat May 07, 2016 9:23 pm

Oh your so nosey :)
The word "beautiful" hopefully leaves the reader feeling the beauty of death. The colours of autumn signify leaves reaching the end of their term. Where else is death defined in such a beautiful way.
I have placed the word autumn in front of trees-perhaps that will enlighten the reader more.

Thank you for your thoughts all
Cheers
Sue
the door is always open, the kettles always on, my shoulders here to cry on, i'll not judge who's right or wrong.

Heather

Re: AUTUMNS REPOSE

Post by Heather » Sat May 07, 2016 9:34 pm

:lol: Nosey it is then.

I'll give an example. Recently i read a poem that mentioned a breeze blowing - i can't find it now i want it though. I am wondering is the breeze whispering, moaning, whistling, sighing, howling, .... so many ways to say a breeze is blowing.

A dray is moving up the road - I'd rather say it is groaning, trudging, moaning, creaking, lurching, moving inch by inch - all give an indication of how hard it is.

:D

mummsie
Posts: 1033
Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:33 am
Location: Tumut, NSW

Re: AUTUMNS REPOSE

Post by mummsie » Sat May 07, 2016 10:02 pm

Changed beautiful to resplendent and moved the line.
the door is always open, the kettles always on, my shoulders here to cry on, i'll not judge who's right or wrong.

Heather

Re: AUTUMNS REPOSE

Post by Heather » Sat May 07, 2016 10:13 pm

Are they maple trees? :lol:

Run Heather, run!

mummsie
Posts: 1033
Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:33 am
Location: Tumut, NSW

Re: AUTUMNS REPOSE

Post by mummsie » Sat May 07, 2016 10:17 pm

Your trying-very trying!!
:roll: :lol:
the door is always open, the kettles always on, my shoulders here to cry on, i'll not judge who's right or wrong.

Heather

Re: AUTUMNS REPOSE

Post by Heather » Sat May 07, 2016 10:21 pm

Falling leaves,
resplendent - even in death.

??

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