ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

Mary Louise Gilman, the venerable editor of the National Shorthand Reporter has collected many of the more hilarious courtroom bloopers in two books - Humor in the Court (1977) and More Humor in the Court, published a few months ago.

Here are a few that made me laugh.

Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?
I will be three months November 8th.
Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?
Yes.
What were you and your husband doing at that time?


Doctor, how many autopsies have you peformed on dead people?
All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.


Were you aquainted with the deceased?
Yes, sir.
Before or after he died?


What happened then?
He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Did he kill you?
No.


When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?

MR. BROOKS: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.


What is the meaning of sperm being present?
It indicates intercourse.
Male sperm?
That is the only kind I know.


Showing man picture.) That's you?
Yes, sir.
And you were present when the picture was taken, right?

A lot of our politicians are lawyers, including the PM Malcolm Turnbull .

Yes Neville - the pollies do come out with some clangers.

“What Islam stands for is not compatible with our country … let the Muslim countries take them.” – Pauline Hanson

One of my favourites is one attributed to George W. Bush
" The French don't have a word for entrepreneur "

Gotta love a George Bush clanger.

And speaking of "bush" (I'm showing my age now) ... that great mixer of proverbs, the late Sir Johannes Bjelke-Petersen, once said:

A rolling stone is worth two in the bush!