More one liners

[Cropduster]

Quotations of my favourite comedian - the delightfully warped Steven Wright

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time" so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where’s the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?

I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included. So I had to buy them again.