ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

I continualy get phone calls from telemarketers and I've adopted the following approach. I answer in an Indian accent and appear confused. Eg What you are giving me this for Free oh I'm such a lucky man.

after a few minutes of this they are the ones who hang up.


Bob

I had the microsoft one ring me the other day and told the nice Indian girl I didn't have a computer. She asked me if I had a laptop and I played dumb and kept asking "What is a laptop" and she hung up on me. How rude!

Heather

My standard response to any tele-marketers (in my DEEPEST voice), "Err G'day, I'm only thirteen years old and my husband handles all that shit, but he's not here at the moment. Would you like to buy my knickers?"

Another 'script': (Herro is this Mistaah ...?) No. I'm actually my sister today but I'm really glad you called have you got your credit card details there ? (No) ... Well go and get it then I have this really great franchise opportunity for... you. Mastercard or Visa?? (I don't have ...) Don't be stupid ALL you Tasmanians have THREE credit cards (I'm not Tasmanian ..) Are you trying to trick me? You sound just like my dead grandmother, C'mon give me your card details this is a really good opportunity ... (they should have gone <clunk> before this )
If you start to run out of puff, a good closing phrase I sometimes use is, "Thank you we've just completed the trace on this call - The Department for Feral Affairs will be in touch" and THEN hang up ... )

Another one is keeping a digital recorder near the phone, recording theit schpeil, then playing it back - over and over. You can use that recording to play to other mongrels ...

May as well have fun at THEIR expense - after all THEY are paying for the call ...

manfredvijars wrote:My standard response to any tele-marketers (in my DEEPEST voice), "Err G'day, I'm only thirteen years old and my husband handles all that shit, but he's not here at the moment. Would you like to buy my knickers?"

Ahhh, I'll have to make a note and use that one, Manfred . . . classic!

Cheers, Marty

I just thought of another one,

(Which seemed amusing at 6am.) I am going to repeat everything they say. See how long it takes them to hang up

I haven't received any nuisance calls in over two years.
Not since I contacted Telstra and told them that I didn't want any.

Google 'unwelcome calls' and you will find out more.

If you have received an Unwelcome Call threatening life or property contact the Police immediately on 000.
Our Unwelcome Calls service is available to Telstra customers. If you're receiving unwelcome calls and a carrier other than Telstra provides your telephone service, contact your service provider.
These pages outline how we can help you take positive action against unwelcome calls. Whatever the nature of the calls, we aim to minimise any stress and inconvenience.
How to opt out of Telstra telemarketing
If you do not wish to receive Telstra telemarketing calls, or for information on our telemarketing opt out process, please call us on 1800 039 059 (9am-7pm EST Mon to Fri, excluding public holidays).

Neil's advice not to talk to them is still the best.
You are only telling them that you are bona-fide and they'll keep after you.
I think it better that we don't get the calls at all.

Frank

I'll second that Frank.

We are on the " Do not call " register. Available though the web.
The only hassles we get occasionally are from people who try to get around the ban on marketing by pretending to be carrying out a survey. Surveys and charity requests are exempt from the do-not-call program.
We seldom get any unwanted calls.

Once again, I remind you all, that if you send me your bank and credit card details and a map of your house, I will be only too happy to send you a copy of my new book "Neil's Guide To Recognising And Avoiding Scammers"

Marty, go for it! What have you got to lose?

Heather

Hey Heather one to go