ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

Hello All ...

In a separate thread David suggested there might be enough material to commence a discussion about the modern prevalence of poor grammar, spelling and apostrophe misuse. I'd say there's enough material to keep us going all year. Perhaps I should issue a warning - this post comes with a "Grumpy Old Woman" alert! I feel a soapbox speech coming on ...

During the last few years of my working life I belonged to a "club" dedicated to observing English language bloopers. We shared them (preserving source anonymity), and derived much merriment and stress therapy from the exercise!

Some of my favourites were:

From a safety memorandum: Employees shall use the issued sunscreen and hats and avoid bearskin at all times.
In a local butcher shop window: Lion chops - special $12.99 kg
Overheard in the lunch room: My boyfriend came into my life when I least expected it. He was an immaculate conception.
From meeting minutes: This multi-level project will be constructed in several gatored stages.

Yes, we were beset by bears, lions and gators! It's a wonder we survived!

All jokes aside, why is it that these days we accept such a low level of accuracy in English usage? I'm not having a go at people who struggle with literacy - but these days even educated and verbally articulate people seem to be so sloppy when it comes to the written word! And they become quite possessive about their right to get it wrong!!

When I first entered the workforce (not quite B.C.) we were very grateful if someone picked up a spelling or grammar error in our typing - and saved us from the embarrassment of (heaven forbid) sending out a letter or report that was less than perfect!

By the end of my working life, the situation had completely reversed. If you dared to mention a spelling or grammatical error in a document, you were immediately accused of being too fussy, pedantic, even OCD! Then whenever a subsequent error popped up someone would comment, "Don't tell her - she's the grammar police!" It was as if the expectation of accuracy somehow demanded an apology!

Business letter writing is of course, becoming a lost art with the proliferation of email. Informal lingo which would never be thought of in a letter is now quite the norm in email interchanges - even at the highest corporate level. CEOs begin their missives to both men and women with "Hi Guys" and they degenerate from there!!

Somerset Maugham said: "It's a funny thing about life - if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it." Mmm.

When it comes to the misuse of the apostrophe, I discovered something interesting when I recently participated in a French language course for adults. Our teacher talked about the fundamentals of grammar, including possessive case. I was amazed that a good proportion of the students had no idea what she was talking about. These are educated people in responsible jobs. No wonder we have fish and turtle's, mine and your's, and so on!

Well, that's about enough from me for one sitting! Over to you, Forum members! What do you think?

Cheers, Shelley

Totally agree - I often feel like running around with a piece of chalk adding graffiti messages to the ones I come across. Those that are grammatically incorrect and those that are plain bloody stupid.

My pet hates are the number of artistic draws that are for sale across the country - Aaaargh The number of doors that are suffering terribly - These doors are alarmed ..... please help them out and give them a valium, or better yet go there, their, they're.

This gem from my local paper this morning - lit a shirt on fire and threw it on the railway track - I took them to task for that one straight away.

The number of places that are selling vegetables with a foot fetish as in Potatoes. I was taught that only Tomatoes have toes, the potato has eyes.

Eggs that are disadvantaged by Yokes ...Do the RSPCA know about this?

The number of people who have break problems with their cars - I guess if their brakes are broken then that is surely a problem.

And I received this pearler from a woman who had an appointment with me which she didn't keep and when I took her to task over not letting me know and wasting my time she informed me that she had a grandmother with dimension who couldn't be left.

I blame a lot of this on Text speak, sloppy English and the belief that good English doesn't matter - many people think 'if you understood what they meant who cares?' Plus enunciation has flown out of the door - the order for French fries could easily be mistaken for French flys - we are raising a generation of mumblers and I really wonder where all the $'s spent on education has gone as seems many people are incapable of even stringing together a single sentence or making a point clearly and coherently. Probably why those wonderful words - like, you know, f..k and uhm are so widely used today across our country.

Two of my favourite grammar corrections;


Samuel Johnson's wife came into the room to find Samuel groping the maid. Wife said " I am surprised ! " Samuel replied " No, I am surprised, you are astonished ".

A man in the late 19th century wrote to his wife and addressed the letter to " My dearest wife " . She wrote back and chided him to mend either his grammar or his morals .

.............. well I thought they were funny.

Yes, Neville - I particularly like the Samuel Johnson example!

Little Billy said to the teacher, "I ain't got no pencil."

"No, Billy," she replied. "I don't have a pencil. You don't have a pencil. He doesn't have a pencil. She doesn't have a pencil. They don't have pencils. Do you understand?"

"Nope," said Billy, puzzled. "What happened to all them pencils?"

Therearealwaysthosewhowillcorrectthethingsthatpoetssaybutistillthinkitisashametogrumbledaybyday. Forthosesameoneswhohaveperchancetogrumbleandtomoanwhiletheyshouldthenconsiderthecastofthefirststone.

Pirate: The cannons be ready, Captain
Captain: Are!

I’ve collected a few howlers over the years. Some time ago former federal treasurer Wayne Swan sent out Christmas cards bearing the message “Seasons Greeting’s”. Clearly, someone in his office was one of the many who don’t know how to use the possessive apostrophe correctly.

And The Age Good Weekend magazine once informed us about a “sneak peak” at a blockbuster art exhibition. Were we to be viewing the assembled masterpieces from some high vantage point?

In line with Maureen’s pet hate, Age columnist Julie Szego once wrote that Gerald Murnane stored his archive in “31 draws of filing cabinets” and that he pulled a manuscript from his “literary draw”. What Murnane actually did was draw a manuscript from a drawer, although if we said that what he did was draw on his drawers we might be describing the act of sketching on underpants. Try explaining that to someone learning English!

A few years ago my wife received a letter from the School of Teacher Education at one of our universities. Here is one paragraph:

“It is expected that you should be able to spend about 2 hours per week supporting, observing and provising (sic) feedback for X over the 4 weeks. During this time you will also have to liase (sic) with Y who will mentor her on a daily basis, but if you could oversea (sic) the whole placement thiat (sic) would be much appreciated.”

We might argue about whether it’s due to carelessness or ignorance, but the result is still a letter from a representative of one of our tertiary institutions that contains four spelling errors in two sentences.

Prior to one of our federal election campaigns a woman wrote to a major metropolitan paper to complain about the “upper dull set tones of Alexander Downer”. Now, if ever someone could have been accused of being a member of the “dull set” it was Lord Downer, but she meant “dulcet”.

On a more serious topic, there was the gentleman on radio who had something to say about “prostrate” cancer. That certainly conjures up an image, but it’s hardly a helpful one.

Footballers regularly insist that something the team has done “all goes” well for the future. Again, it makes some sort of sense, but the word is “augurs”. And there’s the common, but understandable, use of “renumeration” instead of “remuneration”.

And so it goes…

PS: If anyone really wants to wallow in a host of signs displaying errors (such as PIE'S PASTY'S SANDWICH'S + CAKES) just Google "apostrophe errors"!

Cheers
David

Ah, the misspelled world of the prostate! Like you David, I've often seen "prostrate" ... but also "phosphate" and even "frustrate" (though that last one is certainly understandable!!)

He had trouble with his phosphate he was often herd to say
manely at knight it plaid up, else wise he was OK
and he couldn’t understand why people rolled around with murph
when he told them of his problems – dreadful pane – like giving berth.
And he failed to sea the joke at all when old Jack finally said
that being prostate didn’t help – try standing on your head.

naughty Maureen.