ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

(as told by a woman)

I had lunch with two of my unmarried friends.

One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20 years plus.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes.

We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes..

Here's how it all went.


My engaged friend:

The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.

He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.'

Then we made passionate love all night long.



The mistress:

Me too!

The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and a mask over my eyes.

When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.


Then I had to share my story:

When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.


When he came in the door and saw me he said -




"What's for dinner, Zorro?"

***

Jim now thats an oldie.

You would know Dave.






Bob

Gee wizz Jim Did women wear bras in your day I thought that they were a modern invention

bill w

Morning all,

.. and with my slightly twisted mind.

I half expected the punchline to be... "well my husband was late. But the Jehovah's Witness ran away as fast as he could." or... 'the plumber was surprised!'

Zondrae, maybe only blokes will understand this one !!

Choosing a wife –

A man wanted to get married.
He was having trouble choosing among three
 likely candidates.
He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches 
to see what they do with the money.





The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.



The man was impressed.




The 
second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.... She gets him a new set of
 golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive
 clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent
 all the money on him because she loves him so much.



Again, the man is impressed.






The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several
 times the $5,000..
She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the 
remainder in a joint account.
She tells him that she wants to save for 
their future because she loves him so much.


Obviously,
the man was impressed.






The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the 
money he'd given her.





Then he
 married the one with the biggest tits.




Men are like that, you know.




There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today 
than on Alzheimer's research.

This means that by 2040, there should be 
a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and
 absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

***

Jim that is funny

Maureen - DO NOT READ THIS ONE.

The Tax Man

At the end of the tax year, the Inland Revenue office sent an
inspector to audit the books of a local hospital.

While the agent was checking the books he turned to the Accountant of
the Hospital and said, "I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do
you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of
any use?"

"Good question," noted the Accountant. "We save them up and send them
back to the bandage company and every now and then they send us a free
box of bandages."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual
question had a practical answer.

But on he went, in his obnoxious way. "What about all these plaster
purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast
on a patient?"

"Ah, yes," replied the Hospital Accountant, realizing that the
inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We
save it and send it back to the manufacturer, and every now and then
they send us a free package of plaster."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster
the know-it-all Accountant.

"Well," he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins
from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Accountant. "What we do is
save all the little foreskins and send them to the Inland Revenue
Office, and about once a year
they send us a complete - ? ? ? ? ? !"
***

bottle of collagen face cream - good for wrinkles

You think I'm joking????? wrong

http://thetyee.ca/Views/2007/01/30/Foreskin/

As I am trying to formulate some words to discuss the topic, my daughter -- young though she is -- catches sight of my face and pulls me away saying gently, "Mommy, don't look if it makes you upset."

"Out of the mouth of babes" - so to speak.

Maureen, I read your response then followed the link - interesting reading.
How one finds these items, I do not understand.
My earlier years must have been very sheltered.

When I returned your post had gone ?