The Handy Tape Dispenser
Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 2:54 pm
So. Being the little Girl Guide that I am, I ordered proper removal cartons for the imminent great overland trek, that is ‘moving house’….to 9 hours away. And just to be sure, I took advantage of their ‘Great Bonus Offer’ of 2 rolls of sticky masking tape…with…a ‘Handy Tape Dispenser’.
Already being ‘regional’ & not qualifying for 'to the door delivery', the much anticipated parcel finally arrived at my daughter’s home, some 45 minutes away. Off we went to pick them up, with me at the wheel, to preserve ‘the man’s strength’ for the job ahead.….in hosing down rain…that washed out my daughter’s driveway. “Oh no man. Watch where you’re going. There’s a hole big enough to bury a horse in there!! Oh no. Go left, go left, GO LEFT woman!!” “Left” found me parked on a quicksand pond. “Don’t worry. Let’s get inside & have a brew. The sun’ll come out & dry it orf soon.” Goodo.
So, the rain eases up a tad & it’s “ Ya better get out there & get that car outta that quicksand pond. I’ll push ya. Just put ‘er into reverse & idle ya way out…idle…IDLE woman!! Push…Nothing… So he sits on the bonnet…..just as I decide to bugger ‘idle’ off, & give it some…. Sinking… “ Oh no man!” Well, I made it out… just…albeit with two new river systems installed in daughter’s yard…& with croc sat, knees up, in one of them.
As you would be aware, cardboard cartons are incompatible with water…eg rain. But being the little Girl Guide that I am, I hoisted the trusty large umbrella that I ‘won’ in Tamworth, (thank you Mannie!) & ferried the lot out & into the car…a sedan…with “poxy bloody narrow door space”…”Be careful of my lambswool skins….dear…”( censored ) the bloody skins!!” Goodo. Time for another brew.
Upon arrival home…in the dark…& the rain…getting them out of the “!$%!! car & up the !$%!! steps, & into the !$%!! house, is another story…but we did. Goodo. Time for another brew.
A good night’s sleep and 50 brews later sees the man fervently studying the “Handy Tape Dispenser.” Committee meeting. Unanimously agreed that the !$%!! tape roll has been inserted the wrong way around in the !$%!! ''Handy Tape Dispenser''. Surgery ensues. “How do ya get this !$%!! roll back in the !$%!! thing?Who’s responsible for this abortionate piece of crap?”...Time for another brew…quickly. Goodo. Carton number 1: “Awww... you protestant bastard!!”
Carton number 2: “They might not have won the War but they’re rapidly winning the battle.”
Carton number 3: “Oh no man, no, the big one has happened. Where ya can’t get ya fingers back up to grab it. Fkn stroll on man.”
Carton number 4: “Right! That’s enough cartons! I’m gunna go into Beauy Hardware……tomorrow…….& get a propaaa chopper.”
We have to load the truck….down a !$%!! flight of !$%!! garden steps, on Monday.
Any muscle bound willing takers for a hand?
Any un-muscled willing takers ….?
Any un-muscled unwilling takers…?
Any deceased takers…?
Oh the joy.
Already being ‘regional’ & not qualifying for 'to the door delivery', the much anticipated parcel finally arrived at my daughter’s home, some 45 minutes away. Off we went to pick them up, with me at the wheel, to preserve ‘the man’s strength’ for the job ahead.….in hosing down rain…that washed out my daughter’s driveway. “Oh no man. Watch where you’re going. There’s a hole big enough to bury a horse in there!! Oh no. Go left, go left, GO LEFT woman!!” “Left” found me parked on a quicksand pond. “Don’t worry. Let’s get inside & have a brew. The sun’ll come out & dry it orf soon.” Goodo.
So, the rain eases up a tad & it’s “ Ya better get out there & get that car outta that quicksand pond. I’ll push ya. Just put ‘er into reverse & idle ya way out…idle…IDLE woman!! Push…Nothing… So he sits on the bonnet…..just as I decide to bugger ‘idle’ off, & give it some…. Sinking… “ Oh no man!” Well, I made it out… just…albeit with two new river systems installed in daughter’s yard…& with croc sat, knees up, in one of them.
As you would be aware, cardboard cartons are incompatible with water…eg rain. But being the little Girl Guide that I am, I hoisted the trusty large umbrella that I ‘won’ in Tamworth, (thank you Mannie!) & ferried the lot out & into the car…a sedan…with “poxy bloody narrow door space”…”Be careful of my lambswool skins….dear…”( censored ) the bloody skins!!” Goodo. Time for another brew.
Upon arrival home…in the dark…& the rain…getting them out of the “!$%!! car & up the !$%!! steps, & into the !$%!! house, is another story…but we did. Goodo. Time for another brew.
A good night’s sleep and 50 brews later sees the man fervently studying the “Handy Tape Dispenser.” Committee meeting. Unanimously agreed that the !$%!! tape roll has been inserted the wrong way around in the !$%!! ''Handy Tape Dispenser''. Surgery ensues. “How do ya get this !$%!! roll back in the !$%!! thing?Who’s responsible for this abortionate piece of crap?”...Time for another brew…quickly. Goodo. Carton number 1: “Awww... you protestant bastard!!”
Carton number 2: “They might not have won the War but they’re rapidly winning the battle.”
Carton number 3: “Oh no man, no, the big one has happened. Where ya can’t get ya fingers back up to grab it. Fkn stroll on man.”
Carton number 4: “Right! That’s enough cartons! I’m gunna go into Beauy Hardware……tomorrow…….& get a propaaa chopper.”
We have to load the truck….down a !$%!! flight of !$%!! garden steps, on Monday.
Any muscle bound willing takers for a hand?
Any un-muscled willing takers ….?
Any un-muscled unwilling takers…?
Any deceased takers…?
Oh the joy.
Aah the joys! 
