ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

Vanilla.

That wasn’t a monk, Stephen, it was me…in my role as Assistant Under Secretary of the ABPA (Anything But Poetry Association). I was on my way to a Versifiers Anonymous meeting wearing that shapeless brown garment because I’d been told it was necessary to kick the habit. Anyway, I never made it because admission is by ice cream, so you sabotaged the whole thing!

Thus I am still mangling metaphors, mutilating metre, and rupturing rhyme. But I still have sufficient strength left to point out that you’re off the track with those mountain gorillas and rhesus monkeys. It’s the elephant in the room that you need to address (plus postage), and until you do I’m afraid this very unimportant subject will remain unresolved.

David (AUS of ABPA)

I'm sorry, David, I didn't recognise you. To be honest, I thought it was Sean Connery from 'In the Name of the Rose'. (Do you often get mistaken for Sean Connery?)

I can assure you, I left plenty of ice cream on your fingers. It should have been sufficient to get you in. I've never been struck before by your dirty nails, though.

Thanks for the advice about the elephant. It's cruel putting elephants in rooms, though, I reckon - almost as bad as putting monkeys in labs. (Imagine if your blood was Mg pos?) I suppose I should add a stamped self addressed envelope. It's a bit much expecting the elephant to lick the stamp.

Good luck with the VA meetings. Find a good sponsor. It's easy to give up writing poetry. I've done it a hundred times!

David, I'm feeling bad about your ice cream. I'm sorry, but I didn't know.

Of course, it shouldn't make any difference. I thought I was doing you a favour, to be honest, you were in such a mess. What was going on? You were really out of it. My feeling is that you probably should be on some medication. Of, if you're already on medication, you probably should come off it.

If you manage to stabilise your mental state, but find VA is not the answer, there are alternatives. I would advise you to consult your local GP. Of, if he's already been sprung for caving in to doctor shoppers, try the next one down the road.

Seriously, though, do you really want to give up writing verse? What would you do? Write more short stories? Novels, perhaps? Street art? A reggae singer, maybe? You'd look good in red, green and yellow. (Let's face it. Who wouldn't?)

I suppose you could just devote your time to the stock exchange and managing your investment portfolio. I've always thought that sounds like loads of fun, I've just never managed to fit it into my busy schedule.

Anyway, I hope your fingers have come up OK, but I would suggest you pay some attention to your nails. And thanks for the ice cream too, by, the way. I'll look out for you again next week.

Stephen

Yes, I’m often mistaken for Sean Connery (or Daniel Craig…it depends on the accent and which bathing trunks I’m wearing). Speaking of trunks, the elephant is the real panjandrum (or mahout, to use the vernacular), so I’ll try to address it for you.

My mental state is Victoria, which probably explains a great many things (including you and Heather to name but five), and, unfortunately, the medication isn’t working. My local GP is Bernie Ecclestone from Albert Park and he’s completely useless. Just keeps going round and round in circles.

Anyway, I’m currently mainlining free verse and in a real mess…red, green and yellow stones tossed carelessly against the window of my world in the still, silent hours of the night when sleep hovers beyond reach and the flashing city neon paints my room as a nightmare by Picasso. If you catch my drift. Which is what I’ll have to do. Drift, that is. North. Over the Murray, where the sane people live. I’ve always wanted to be a hippie. Dreadlocks, beads, and organic tofu. But first I need a hippie replacement. Are the plastic ones any good? Incidentally, I hope you’re working on an English translation as most people on this site don’t understand the local lingo.

Am currently hammering my nails. It doesn’t help.

David

Hammering nails I understand the rest of it,Hmmm.

TTFN I Think.

I could really go an icecream right now.... David would you like another one? Quick, eat up before that Stephen finds out!

Stephan what in the hell are you and David talking about and for petes sake stop popping those pill and david no more booze for you mate

bill the old battler

.....don't worry about it Bill.....it's not important.....

I reckon you should of not only sucked the ice-cream off Sean's/David's fingers but if you chewed the dirt out from under his nails you just may have discovered it was chocolate.

That would be a beautiful and poetic thing (or was it a scene from Name of the Rose?)