The Wergle Flomp Humour Competition

[Catherine Lee]

At last, my internet is back on! Hi everybody - I do hope I'm posting this in the right place.

This morning I received an email from a very upset poet saying he literally felt like giving up after entering the Wergle Flomp Humour competition and being advised of the winning piece. I paste it below for your interest and any comments - Also, in case any of you regularly enter this competition, as an example of the type of thing that might win.

I'd be interested to know what you think......


Sexual Positions for Those No Longer Young (First Prize)

Too old, too old for reverse cowgirl
or anything with the word "donkey" in it
except for The Ambling Blackpooler.

We make up our own dances for the divans:
The Upturned Mouse, The Irish Potato,
The Half-full Cup of Tea, The Tipsy Llama;
The Sideways Organ-grinder, and this time
it's your turn to be the monkey.

They mustn't sound like cocktails or perfumes
—the Tom Jones Semitone, for instance.
Stick to The Chuckle Brothers Cha Cha Cha,
Getting Right Into the Corners
(an important one, that),
The Disgruntled Librarian, The Belgium.

Darling, darling, let's try—Servicing the Caravan,
Polishing the Bevelled Edge, The Newt,
The Plumber's Lunch Break, The Mothy Woollen,
Happy Hour at the Gardening Centre,
The Tiptoe Tremble with Tray,
The Assembly Instructions in Japanese;

The Summer Pudding, The Slip-on Shoe,
The Countdown Conundrum,
The Saggy Bagpuss Squish, The Torville & Dean,
Bargain Hunt, The Antiques Road Show,
The Reconditioned Hoover.
Together we'll write The Saga Sutra.

[Bob Pacey]

Catherine where can I get some of what you are on ?


Bob

[Catherine Lee]

Hmm, well personally I agree with the disappointed poet who wrote to me, as I think I'd have to be on something to see the poetry in this! However, I've urged him strongly not to give up, as of course not all competitions look for such styles and subject matter - and have referred him to the recent case in point on this forum regarding a poem about a pregnant woman contemplating her knickers. I've also advised him to check previous winning poems for any contest before he enters, and hopefully he will persevere.

[Maureen K Clifford]

Well I read it 3 times and I'm not smiling, not even grinning, not a skerrick of a chuckle. If it is humorous I guess my funny bone has died

[Heather]

Well I must be weird because I laughed. Maybe it was at the thought of what Gary would do when he sees it.

[Catherine Lee]

Thanks guys, I am really interested in what you think of it as I've promised to pass on any comments to the poet in question, who writes more in the traditional style as you've probably gathered and did not find it at all amusing, nor did he consider it to be poetry per se - hence his level of disappointment. Bob, do all those laughing faces mean you found the poem hilariously funny? Heather and Maureen appear to have opposite impressions of it. As for me, well I'm no expert on what's considered to be amusing poetry but I didn't laugh either Maureen...

[Bob Pacey]

Opps Catherine I thought you were joking Is there really a Wergle Flomp Competition I thought you just made that up Now I'm laughing


Is this lot fair dinkum

My opinion ? not fun at all not even close in its current format but there is potential if the writer took all the stuff in there and wrote it as a story / Poem about a couple who wanted to spice u their love live by trying all the different positions Maybe.

Like

Our love life it had faultered and things were looking sorry to
so I bought a Karma Sutra just to see what we could do.
But all the moves were so confusing in the kitchen or the hall
but we decided we would preserve and set out to try them all.

Wergle Flomp Competition well I'll be buggered now I heard everything, s=till if that could win there is a chance for us all yet.

[Neville Briggs]

First thing I think we have to notice, is that this piece is intended to be a poem. Not a joke story in mediocre verse.
I suggest that it has to be read as poetry, i.e. allusion and metaphor and play on words.

Catherine, I don't think it was meant to be hilarious in the side slapping, stand up comedy routine genre.
It's an English poem, so I think some of the references mean something to our mates the poms, maybe not to us.

I don't think this poem is about sex
I suggest that it is a gentle satire on the foibles of older people whose world can consist of mundane trivia and kitsch, where they find some sort of meaning and excitement in these very banal things, some of which are far out of place in the modern world ( the reconditioned hoover ) Bit of a dig, I think, at the poor oldies who think it is a thrill to visit the garden centre or promenade at Blackpool.
It looks to me more of something in the genre of " My old man's a dustman " or " Any old Iron, Any old Iron" or Kenneth Williams and his Rambling Syd Rumpo. Poms think those sort of things are funny.

After saying all that. It doesn't appeal to me greatly ( cause I'm an oldie )

By the way, I looked up the contest results. The second place winner has done a piece in traditional rhyme and metre.
And there is a video of the author of this piece, reading it. She does a very good job. I thought so anyway.

[Maureen K Clifford]

I think Neville's take on it is probably right - Here's the clip - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_oOYqpbSjw

[Shelley Hansen]

Mmm - having read everyone's comments, I can see where Neville is coming from - but although I usually like satire, particularly the English variety - I'm afraid I have to agree with you Catherine. The satirical humour of this one is lost on me.

Cheers, Shelley