ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

Hmm, I seem to have drawn a few blanks with this challenge as far as a more personal story goes, so I've gone with 'something I've seen' on my travels that remains one of the most memorable and affecting experiences of my life, even though it's hard to put into words...The over-use of the word 'awesome' in general conversation these days often irritates me so I rarely use it myself, but in this case it would be appropriate, as the mighty Victoria Falls are absolutely deserving of the word in its true meaning!

A Force Unforgettable

Where the great Zambezi plunges to serrated rocks below,
then erupts in clouds of vapour to the skies
like inverted rain, the Mosi-oa-tunya thunders forth
in a swirling rage that captivates the eyes;
and the river whirls and eddies at a swift relentless pace
sweeping everything before it in its wake,
skirting rocks and tiny islands on its mission of release,
then colliding at the edge to merge and quake.

It’s ‘The Smoke Which Thunders’ – rushing forth to stagger and impress
as the rapids churn in manic disarray;
meanwhile, water-coloured rainbows paint the misty air above
to astonish in a multi-hued display.
Like the hoary breath of river gods now finally released
from imprisonment, defiantly enraged,
the colossal force pours turbulent, spews furiously forth
into liberty and will not be assuaged.

When the smoke-like spray surrounded me, ascending high above,
then descended on my now uplifted face,
I was saturated utterly and dazzled by the sight—
willing captive in its watery embrace.
As I marvelled from the clifftop staring down to the abyss,
the cascading torrent gripped my soul with awe,
for this spectacle of nature’s might and splendour seemed to warn—
“I am Mosi-oa-Tunya – hear me roar!”

© Catherine Lee, 2020

That's great Catherine, you have brought out the images of a wonderful natural feature.

"A Force Unforgettable". Catherine

I have to say that (in my opinion) your delightful poem reads very well and I like it lots.

Your descriptions are vivid. I cannot see how any poem written on this subject could possibly be any better than A Force Unforgettable.

I have a personal preference for shorter high-impact poems like this one.. with brevity being the soul of poetry.

A Force Unforgettable is about letting the reader experience what you personally experienced at the Victoria Falls (without actually spraying them with water, of course). To that end, you very effectively word-paint on your reader's mind. Your images utilise concise descriptive lines - something that I think only comes with practice and confidence.

I might suggest that your best four lines are :

When the smoke-like spray surrounded me, ascending high above,
Then descended on my now uplifted face,
I was saturated utterly and dazzled by the sight—
Willing captive in its watery embrace.

Those last two lines are not as forceful and dramatic perhaps, but are instead plain and effective, and usefully contrast with the rest.. providing some relieving "light and shade" to the poem. You slip effortlessly from describing your surroundings, over into what you are actually feeling.

Somehow it reminded me of Rain In The Mountains by Henry Lawson, but upon reading Lawson's verse again, the two poems are different. Maybe it is just the fact that both poems are vividly written?

Perhaps you could post-edit and attach the associated trip photographs, if you have any? That would be good.

An interesting change from recent narratives, your demonstrated skill with words has not waned.

Congratulation on another excellent work.

Hi-5 ! ... and a worthwhile poem to add to your folder for sure. I hope you get as much pleasure out of writing your poems as others must do in reading them.

Continued best wishes for your poetry writing which I thoroughly enjoy. I hope inspiration continues to come calling on you... and everyone else here as well. Gary

I would love to to see them in person Catherine,
But I feel as though I have already had a more that just a glimpse of them through your words.

Thanks

Terry

Thank you so much, Gary and Terry. I’m so pleased you both like this poem, and it is deeply rewarding for me to read that it has created clear images in your minds – especially as I’d always felt it would be so difficult to attempt to describe how I felt when I saw, heard and felt those magnificent Falls!

The people on the gate offer you raincoats and umbrellas when you go in, and we did have a couple of our own, but they may as well have been newspaper, ha! It was the most amazing and invigorating experience!

Gary, I really appreciate your comments on those four lines too, especially as I had started out in the third person but then changed my mind to make it more personal. Thank you once again for such warm and encouraging praise – because yes, I do indeed get a great deal of pleasure from writing poetry!

And Terry – if I gave you even a small glimpse of these Falls, then I am happy, because as you know, I greatly admire the imagery in your own work!

Thank you both once again - your kind words mean a great deal to me.

Catherine, I seem to be using the word "Wow!" an awful lot lately in response to your poems - but "Wow!" it is again! I have a deep love of descriptive poetry and this is, dare I say ... "awesome"?

Like Gary, I love the "saturated utterly" metaphor, which seems to suggest not just a physical soaking but also a saturating of the soul with the awe of the experience.

I know what you mean about some natural wonders making a lasting impression - and with every word you have taken us there. I'm almost turning my head as I write this, to hear the roar in the distance!

Cheers
Shelley

Thank you so much, Shelley for this wonderful, warm feedback! I am so glad you liked the poem, and thrilled that you too have singled out those words, because that’s exactly how I felt at the time! To have 'taken you all there' in various ways has really made me very happy indeed!

That is an inspirational write Catherine - you take us right alongside you on your journey of discovery - beautiful descriptions 'hoary breath of river Gods' YES and 'inverted rain' - WOW a perfect picture painted there.

Your last line intentionally or otherwise has me believing that Mosi-oa-Tunya the smoke that thunders is most certainly female. Well done, and I loved reading this.

Thanks so much for this warm feedback, Maureen. I'm so glad you liked it - hmm, yes, shades of Helen Reddy in that last line I guess, ha! Thank you for singling out those two descriptive lines, too - it's always most helpful and encouraging to know which particular lines make a certain impact.