ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

The Shadow On The Stairs

The old house looked deserted its paint was cracked and dried
the curtains in the windows ripped and torn.
As I prized open the window to the downstairs dining room
a small stone statue stood there most folorn.

A vase of wilting flowers stood beside a red glass bowl
white lilies that had passed on long ago.
I rummaged through the chest of drawers to see what I could find
things of value that I could just grab and go.

I stuffed into my bag some coins and a silver locket on a chain
it looked to come from times so more refined.
some medals in a box and a brooch with gold brocade
the only things of any value I could find.

I cursed as through the room I wandered sourcing items I could sell
to fund the need for cash to buy some ice.
There was nothing here of value that could readily be sold
nothing that would bring a decent price.

I don't know why I turned towards the staircase but danger filled the air
it made me stop and drop my stolen wares.
I stood in utter silence as I supressed the urge to scream
at the womans ghostly shadow on the stairs.

I bolted for the window and leapt through it in one bound
the fear of death had filled me to the core.
The ghostly apparition of a woman dressed in lace
imprinted in my brain forever more.


Bob Pacey (C)

I like this one Bob.

It covers the whole spectrum; a break-in by an ice addict hoping to find something to sell, and then a scary apparition.
He was probably suffering some sort of drug induced psychosis (had to go to the dictionary for that one mate)

Terry

WOW - I like this one Bob, it's a good story line and very pertinent to todays world - I'd like it more if you fixed the spelling/typos s/b drawers, silver,brooch.

I stuffed a sterling silver locket and some coins into my bag
it looked to come from times so more refined.

Might you consider turning that first line around ... because you mention two things a locket and coins and yet in the next line you mention only one item 'it' and it reads as if perhaps it is the bag that came from times more refined.

Perhaps something along the lines of eg

I stuffed coins and a silver locket in my bag
the locket came from times far more refined

I found this line really unwieldy when reading the poem

I don't know why I turned towards the staircase but danger filled the air

perhaps this might work

I turned. I don't know why, but sensed that danger filled the air

Great use of the prompts Bob and I reckon if you worked on this a little you would really have a great performance piece.

As Maureen remarked, very today. I liked it a lot.
Wazza

Well said, Bob! We've just been talking in a separate thread about writing on contemporary themes. Your poem certainly fits that criteria!

I've just heard some statistics (which I can't verify) that Childers, a town about 40 minutes north of where I live, has the highest incidence of "ice" use in Queensland. I know that right across the Fraser Coast it is a huge problem.

Cheers, Shelley

Nice one Bob... and sooo relevant!
Trish

Never going to be a performance piece and I just typed it up on the site this morning so only a throw away practice.


Cheers all and Thanks


Yes Shelly I was just reading about the high break in rate for our city so it was a current theme.


Bob

Well don't throw it away it is too good for that -put it to one side and come back to it later on

So much better to get ya teeth into these types of prompts then catch a cold

Haiku Haiku Haiku excuse me


Bob

Tanka Tanka - you're welcome Bob