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Newly Drawn

Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2011 11:05 pm
by Zondrae
Teacher, teacher,

may I please have an extension of time for this topic... My poem is almost finished. but it is late (11pm and I was up at 4.45am) and if I don't want trouble I must get some sleep. So may I please hand it in tomorrow afternoon? Truly it is almost finished. Just needs a polish.

Re: Newly Drawn

Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2011 9:56 am
by Maureen K Clifford
Polish away :lol:

Re: Newly Drawn

Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2011 1:12 pm
by Zondrae
Now Marty.

I hardly ever do the homework challenge so any effort is better than none at all. Sometimes you have to give a little.

Re: Newly Drawn

Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2011 1:33 pm
by Zondrae
Here it is - for what it is..

Don't ask me to explain it only that I thought 'how would a visitor from another planet feel if he could not go home." The worst thing would be if he could see his 'star' but never go back.

Newly Drawn
 Zondrae King (Corrimal) 8/11

I am homesick for the charcoal that I once held in my hand
as the lines of day drew long on foreign shores.
Oh! the comfort that it brought me as I sat upon the sand
watching birds and list’ning to their mournful ‘caws’.

All my efforts are so fruitless for no matter how I try
they look down upon my paintings with disdain.
Eyes unwilling, look but cannot see the balance with the sky
and the vivid colours flowing cross the plain.

In my homeland light is diff’rent but their eyes will never see
for their minds are closed against the coming dawn.
All their words are not convincing when they say that I am free
while I feel I am a cartoon newly drawn

To this world they broadcast falsehoods. Everything they say rehearsed,
while they hide my ship that travelled oh so far.
Tell me how would they feel if somehow, our circumstance reversed,
and ‘twas they who stood upon a distant star.

Re: Newly Drawn

Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2011 7:49 pm
by Zondrae
Yes,
I agree. That would be appropriate.

I can imagine the 'hollow in the guts' that woud be felt if one could never return to their homeland.
I know when we lived away from Wollongong I longed to come back. I used to say if I had the chance I'd move so fast that I wouldn't even make dust.

The main thing wrong with writing this poem is... now I will have to try to do some more of Maureen's challenges.

Re: Newly Drawn

Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2011 10:00 pm
by mummsie
Good one Zondrae, yes you'll have to keep them coming.
Cheers
Sue