Final parade
Re: Final parade
Outstanding Marty. I found it a bit bumpy in places but nonetheless I think it is brilliant. With a bit of punctuation and a slight polish I think you have a stunning poem. Gold star material.
Heather
Heather
- Maureen K Clifford
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Re: Final parade
Agree with Heathers take on it Marty... brilliant, although I didn't find the potholes but did think perhaps this line might be smoother if you just relocated 'once' but consider that to be a speed bump
Cheers
Maureen
men young once, who heard the call and rallied to a causemen once young who heard the call and rallied to a cause
Cheers
Maureen
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Re: Final parade
That line has 13 syllables whereas the others all appear to have 14 - little pot hole!
I think it is a brilliant poem. One of your best Marty.
Heather
I think it is a brilliant poem. One of your best Marty.
Heather
Re: Final parade
Sorry Heather, the 'stress' count is seven, that verse is fine ...
Marty, in the third stanza - fourth verse ...
"to ensure that the new blokes are not left to fend alone "
"ensuring that the new blokes ... " or similar perhaps to smooth it out ??
Marty, in the third stanza - fourth verse ...
"to ensure that the new blokes are not left to fend alone "
"ensuring that the new blokes ... " or similar perhaps to smooth it out ??
- Bob Pacey
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Re: Final parade
Pot holes better report them to the council. do not fix them yourself or you might find yourself in court.
Marty Liked it very much both the way you convey your message and the way the poem flows.
A good read Bob
Marty Liked it very much both the way you convey your message and the way the poem flows.
A good read Bob
The purpose in life is to have fun.
After you grasp that everything else seems insignificant !!!
After you grasp that everything else seems insignificant !!!
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Re: Final parade
I like it Marty I am used to negotiating a few bumps so no worrys to me.
TTFN
TTFN
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