ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

This poem won first prize for the Emerging Poet at Boyup Brook this year.

G'day Heather,

Your story line is sad but pretty close to the truth. I enjoyed the rhythm of the poem - a neat, continuous beat throughout. I do however, feel a little incomplete. Waiting for the other two lines in the final stanza. Was there a reason you ended like this. Did you have in mind an incomplete life? Or was this a device to make us think about what could be missing. I will not presume to make any suggestions as to what might have been in the lines.
A well deserved win. Congratlations. Keep them coming.

Thanks very much Marty. This is a slightly different version to the original post.

Zondrae thank you. The last two lines are quite deliberate. I guess you would have to hear me read it to understand. Will heard me read this one at Toolangi. The impact is in the delivery.

I read the war bits louder and the sad bits softly. When I read it I leave a space after the last lot of 4 lines and then say the last two very softly - trailing off. It makes it sound very sad and poignant.

I guess I picture someone - a mother or wife, holding that photograph - and it could be many, many years later. Time has -passed but the sadness, the futility is still there; the love and the heartache is still there.

I'll read it to you one day.

Heather

I'd love to read it then Marty.

thank you heather and congrats I could just imadgineing you saying it as I have said all along it is your use of the voice that helps the poem as well. And while I am at it record it and send it you know where

Bill the old Battler

Thanks Bill. I'm with you, delivery is extremely important - it can make or break any written piece.

I don't have facilities to record but Bob Pacey is going to read my poem A Garden On the Wall for Anzac Day this year. I think Bob has the ability to record and if he is willing to do so, I'd be happy for him to record A Garden On the Wall for your project if you would like.

Bill, if you come to Laggan in September, perhaps you could record some of the poets then - swoop on the lot in one go! Just something to think about Bill.

Heather

Half the prize money to you Matt! (As if)

As for naughty corners, I suspect we will need a very big corner Matt.

Heather

Flattered

Because the metre in your poem inspired this poem?

Or because you think you are going to keep Dave, Marty and Bob company in the naughty corner?

Heather

Well whose a clever little cookie then ?

Very well done but then who be it for me to say the judges were the ones who were impressed.

What do you mean "I will read' I will recite your Poem A Garden On The Wall and hopefully I can do it justice. You are spot on Heather the inflection in you voice can have a great effect on how the poem comes out. I did that automatically as I read your post and I assume that the last line of A Garden On The Wall should be done in the same way ?

Now what is this naughty cornor and how did I end up in it as I have been at work all day and to my knowledge have not trangressed in any way. Well not that anyone would know yet. Did have a perve on that shiela in room 111 but was a bit non plussed when that fella went in as well. Talk about punching above your weight ??? Opps I digress.

I will see what I can do for Bill with the recording but my lady is having a few health problems at the monent.

Cheers Bob Ps if I'm going to the cornor can I take this beer.

Ooops, my most sincere apologies Bob. Of course you will recite (not read) and I wish I could be there to hear you recite it. Dave Smith is going to recite another of my war poems on Anzac Day - so I'll be heard from one side of the country to the other! Cool hey?

Bob the naughty corner is for Laggan, for when the naughty ones get out of control. No Bob, no beers in the corner! Just behave and no more pervin' it's bad for your health.

Heather