BEYOND THE PALE

[Jeff Thorpe]

BEYOND THE PALE

Had your fill of Pilsner and tepid Pommie ale?
then turn all hep, take the step and go beyond the pale,
walk the walk, don’t stop and baulk, a Gay “coming out”,
wrap your lips around a pint of wholesome Guinness stout,
and you’ll become acquainted with “The Workman’s Friend”,
guaranteed your drinking pleasure will not ever end.

Arthur Guinness started brewing in Seventeen Fifty-Nine
and about since Nineteen Sixty-Five he’s been a pal of mine,
I reckoned that by then he’d perfected the art,
of producing liquid velvet, a taste that stands apart.
Poet Flann O’Brien’s words certify all drinkers’ plan
in saying that “A pint of plain is your only man”.

St James Gate brewery, Dublin was where it all began,
Ireland’s favourite drink, be it draught or in a can,
from humble beginnings, now brewed across the world,
didn’t take too long for its fame to be unfurled,
Saint Patrick’s Day synonymous with record Guinness sale,
world wide thirteen million pints, now that’s beyond the pale.

Promoting the beverage took a turn in Nineteen Fifty-Five,
when the published Guinness Book of Records did arrive.
Managing Director Hugh Beaver the brains behind the book,
a means by which pub arguments were settled with one look,
the result of such dispute, did Sir Hugh correctly think,
is reward to the winner in the form of shouted drink.

A culinary favourite too from Killarney to Shanghai
is the taste tantalising Steak and Guinness pie,
endorsed by Jamie Oliver, himself no cooking dill,
food and drink all in one surely fits the bill,
especially on cold winter days, a meal fit for a king,
all is well, one can almost hear the angels sing.

Water, barley, malt, yeast and hops
all impact together in making Guinness tops,
roasting the barley gives dark colour and taste,
from nitrogen when poured, the creamy head is based,
and this “meal in a glass”, to a palate smooth as silk
contains less kilojoules than orange juice or skimmed milk.

“Good things come to those who wait”, a famed Guinness chant
refers to the best method, this beverage to decant,
a “double pour” takes some two minutes to complete
and many novice bar staff are yet to learn this feat,
the first pour to three quarters of the glass forms the head
allow to settle, top up and a perfect pint’s been bred.

Taste buds now however, are tickled by other tipples,
with craft beers, wine and spirits causing more than ripples,
St Paddy’s day aside, the “dark stuff’s” sales are down,
no doubt at St James Gate triggering a deep frown.
Thirty-two percent of volume comes from Africa of all places
while Irish and UK pubs are full of vacant spaces.

A leprechaun seems needed to fill the pot with gold,
to titillate the market and get more Guinness sold,
re create the heady times of “Midnight Stout”, a cult
when award winning TV ads achieved a great result,
spawn more true believers to find their Holy Grail,
content in drinker’s heaven, way beyond the pale.


Jeff Thorpe 08 September 2015 ©


“The Workman’s Friend”

Flann O’Brien

When things go wrong and will not come right,
though you do the best you can,
when life looks black as the hour of night –
a pint of plain is your only man.

When money’s tight and hard to get
and your horse has also ran,
when all you have is a heap of debt –
a pint of plain is your only man.

When health is bad and your heart feels strange
and your face is pale and wan,
when doctors say you need a change,
a pint of plain is your only man.

When food is scarce and your larder bare
and no rashers grease your pan,
when hunger grows as your meals are rare -
a pint of plain is your only man.

In time of trouble and lousy strife,
you have still got a darlint plan
you can still turn to a brighter life –
a pint of plain is your only man.

[r.magnay]

Good one Jeff, don't mind a pint or two of the dark stuff myself!...a meal in a glass

[Jeff Thorpe]

Thanks Ross. I enjoyed writing the poem almost as much as drinking the product.

Cheers, Jeff