THE FACTS OF LIFE ACCORDING TO DAD
Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2011 11:53 am
THE FACTS OF LIFE ACCORDING TO DAD
“You want to what? You want to what?
Dave, are you completely barmy?
You want to go and leave the farm
to join the confounded Army!
Your mother says what? She says what?”
“Wouldn’t that flatten a flaming crow!
She says to tell you the facts of life;
you’re forty five! Surely you must know!
Ah well, here goes. Dave, the drink Son,
stay away from that demon booze!
If you get started drinking grog,
your mind you’re liable to lose!
And Son, watch out for the sheilas,
there’s some terrible types about;
if they get their claws into you,
you’ll have a job getting them out!
Mate, the dancing and the singing,
they often goes with the other two;
too much dancing and partying
well, they’d surely ruin a bloke you!”
“Oh! You have had a little sip!
Pinched a drop of Uncle’s beer,
but you didn’t really like it,
it made you feel a little queer.”
“You don’t like dancing and singing
because you’re not keen on the noise,
but Dave; have you kissed a girl,
you know, like all the other boys?
Have you tried snuggling up to one?
Maybe held one around the waist?”
“You had a crack at Jenny Brown;
but you weren’t too keen on the taste!
Well, that all seems in order Dave,
get on with your work around the farm.”
“Yes Mother, I’ve spoken to Dave,
and I am sure he’s safe from harm;
The Army will reject him and
he’ll be with us for quite a while;
not because of his big flat feet -
your son’s a flaming imbecile!”
Vic Jefferies © 20011
“You want to what? You want to what?
Dave, are you completely barmy?
You want to go and leave the farm
to join the confounded Army!
Your mother says what? She says what?”
“Wouldn’t that flatten a flaming crow!
She says to tell you the facts of life;
you’re forty five! Surely you must know!
Ah well, here goes. Dave, the drink Son,
stay away from that demon booze!
If you get started drinking grog,
your mind you’re liable to lose!
And Son, watch out for the sheilas,
there’s some terrible types about;
if they get their claws into you,
you’ll have a job getting them out!
Mate, the dancing and the singing,
they often goes with the other two;
too much dancing and partying
well, they’d surely ruin a bloke you!”
“Oh! You have had a little sip!
Pinched a drop of Uncle’s beer,
but you didn’t really like it,
it made you feel a little queer.”
“You don’t like dancing and singing
because you’re not keen on the noise,
but Dave; have you kissed a girl,
you know, like all the other boys?
Have you tried snuggling up to one?
Maybe held one around the waist?”
“You had a crack at Jenny Brown;
but you weren’t too keen on the taste!
Well, that all seems in order Dave,
get on with your work around the farm.”
“Yes Mother, I’ve spoken to Dave,
and I am sure he’s safe from harm;
The Army will reject him and
he’ll be with us for quite a while;
not because of his big flat feet -
your son’s a flaming imbecile!”
Vic Jefferies © 20011
