Visiting Calvin, Aged Four And A Half
Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2011 7:52 pm
G'day Phil,
As I said I am posting this poem for you to see. It is definitely an 'elbow' poem, having come to me at 4am and demanding I get up right then and write it down. By the time everyone else was up I had it finished. It is an early piece and rough but I can't change it. I have included comments on the errors that I see today, but had not learned then.
VISITING CALVIN
AGED FOUR AND A HALF
© Zondrae King (06/04)
“Grandma, Grandma, Oh you’re here!
I love it when you come.
Will you come and watch me, Grandma?
Will you come and watch me run?” (oh dear assonance not rhyme)
So I sit and settle comfortably
And make myself at ease.
“Can you come on over Grandma,
Can you come and help me please?”
“Will you come down to the carpet
Will you get down on the floor
Cause I’ve got all these Leggo blocks
And we can make a tower.” (looks like a hit and miss with the rhyme)
So I stand and I start to descend
But hips and ankles just won’t bend. (woops, a complete change of rhyming pattern)
The old bones creak and groan to me
“We’re not young like we used to be.”
“Come on with me Grandma.
Come along and see my room.
Dad bought me an aeroplane
And I can make it zoom”
“Did I show you my computer?
Do you want to play a game?
If you click on the mouse button (no,no, - not two hard stresses together!!)
It will let you start again.”
Well I thought that getting down was rough
It made my joints complain
But you should hear the language
When I try to rise again.
“Come and help me Grandma
Get that book down from the shelf.
I can turn the pages over
But I can’t quite read myself.”
“Are you looking at me Grandma
Because I’ve learned something new. (you can not push the stress on a word, to where you want it to be: be/CAUSE)
I can hop across the lounge room
When I’m not wearing a shoe.”
I explain I need refueling
And I get a cup of tea.
“When you’re finished drinking Grandma,
Will you come and play with me?”
“We can play with Mighty Beans. (lost beat before the start- like a pause at the start of a song line)
Have you seen them before?
And I’ve made lots of space for us
Right here on the floor.”
“Come on Grandma, come and dance (again changing the metre and rhyming pattern for no apparent reason)
You can even hold my hands.
Come on Grandma dance with me
It won’t hurt your ‘dicky’ knee.”
Then we play a game of hide and seek
And others I won’t mention.
Sharing stories and adventures
All demanding my attention.
So when I need a workout
I don’t go down to the gym.
I just go and visit Calvin
And I spend the day with him.
Oh dear, you would think that I would had learned something in the preceeding 18 months. But looking back, this was ( as were most of my poems at that time,) a spontaneous poem. I call them 'elbow' poems now. I still perform this one from time to time and with a 'cutsie' voice and a few antics, I get away with it. When Calvin was four and a half, a visit was like a trip to the gym. He is more into computer games now-a-days. Except for the holiday Monopoly challenge we don't get to 'play' with him much anymore. He goes to high school next year.... and... he is almost as tall as me too.
As I said I am posting this poem for you to see. It is definitely an 'elbow' poem, having come to me at 4am and demanding I get up right then and write it down. By the time everyone else was up I had it finished. It is an early piece and rough but I can't change it. I have included comments on the errors that I see today, but had not learned then.
VISITING CALVIN
AGED FOUR AND A HALF
© Zondrae King (06/04)
“Grandma, Grandma, Oh you’re here!
I love it when you come.
Will you come and watch me, Grandma?
Will you come and watch me run?” (oh dear assonance not rhyme)
So I sit and settle comfortably
And make myself at ease.
“Can you come on over Grandma,
Can you come and help me please?”
“Will you come down to the carpet
Will you get down on the floor
Cause I’ve got all these Leggo blocks
And we can make a tower.” (looks like a hit and miss with the rhyme)
So I stand and I start to descend
But hips and ankles just won’t bend. (woops, a complete change of rhyming pattern)
The old bones creak and groan to me
“We’re not young like we used to be.”
“Come on with me Grandma.
Come along and see my room.
Dad bought me an aeroplane
And I can make it zoom”
“Did I show you my computer?
Do you want to play a game?
If you click on the mouse button (no,no, - not two hard stresses together!!)
It will let you start again.”
Well I thought that getting down was rough
It made my joints complain
But you should hear the language
When I try to rise again.
“Come and help me Grandma
Get that book down from the shelf.
I can turn the pages over
But I can’t quite read myself.”
“Are you looking at me Grandma
Because I’ve learned something new. (you can not push the stress on a word, to where you want it to be: be/CAUSE)
I can hop across the lounge room
When I’m not wearing a shoe.”
I explain I need refueling
And I get a cup of tea.
“When you’re finished drinking Grandma,
Will you come and play with me?”
“We can play with Mighty Beans. (lost beat before the start- like a pause at the start of a song line)
Have you seen them before?
And I’ve made lots of space for us
Right here on the floor.”
“Come on Grandma, come and dance (again changing the metre and rhyming pattern for no apparent reason)
You can even hold my hands.
Come on Grandma dance with me
It won’t hurt your ‘dicky’ knee.”
Then we play a game of hide and seek
And others I won’t mention.
Sharing stories and adventures
All demanding my attention.
So when I need a workout
I don’t go down to the gym.
I just go and visit Calvin
And I spend the day with him.
Oh dear, you would think that I would had learned something in the preceeding 18 months. But looking back, this was ( as were most of my poems at that time,) a spontaneous poem. I call them 'elbow' poems now. I still perform this one from time to time and with a 'cutsie' voice and a few antics, I get away with it. When Calvin was four and a half, a visit was like a trip to the gym. He is more into computer games now-a-days. Except for the holiday Monopoly challenge we don't get to 'play' with him much anymore. He goes to high school next year.... and... he is almost as tall as me too.