I like that one Zondrae.
Please...please believe me, "celestial" is OK here.
The things that matter Zondrae....the quality of your poem trumps any bother about trivial "rules".
Great poem Zondrae.
Silver Moon
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Neville Briggs
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Re: Silver Moon
Last edited by Neville Briggs on Thu Mar 31, 2011 5:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Neville
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.
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Dave Smith
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Re: Silver Moon
G/Day Zondrae
With out being out of order I agree with Neville, I thought the syllable count was the same so when I am reading this poem from my book “Under Aussie Skies” I have been substituting "celestial" for "celest-yal".
Because I think "celest-yal" is a little too Oka for such a nice poem.
TTFN
With out being out of order I agree with Neville, I thought the syllable count was the same so when I am reading this poem from my book “Under Aussie Skies” I have been substituting "celestial" for "celest-yal".
Because I think "celest-yal" is a little too Oka for such a nice poem.
TTFN
I Keep Trying
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Zondrae
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Re: Silver Moon
G'day Dave,
You are lucky (in a way) that you have a copy of 'Under Aussie Skies'. It is now officially out of print. I don't know, off hand how many copies were produced but it isn't many. Changing computers, I can't just run them off because the Mac desn't support 'publisher', and I am not going to re set up the whole thing again.
Something new in the works. A sort of compilation of the three with a few new ones, called 'Most Awarded'. and it is in colour. So some of the poems in the three original books are left out.
You are lucky (in a way) that you have a copy of 'Under Aussie Skies'. It is now officially out of print. I don't know, off hand how many copies were produced but it isn't many. Changing computers, I can't just run them off because the Mac desn't support 'publisher', and I am not going to re set up the whole thing again.
Something new in the works. A sort of compilation of the three with a few new ones, called 'Most Awarded'. and it is in colour. So some of the poems in the three original books are left out.
Zondrae King
a woman of words
a woman of words
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Neville Briggs
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Re: Silver Moon
Was it something I said Zondrae 
Neville
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.
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Zondrae
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Re: Silver Moon
Gday Neville,
How are you today? I rose rather early and had to dash out to be at a Doctor's rooms by 8am. I was not ignoring your comment (nor do I ever). I was, in fact, still half asleep. I'm back, I'm well.
Now to read the page.
How are you today? I rose rather early and had to dash out to be at a Doctor's rooms by 8am. I was not ignoring your comment (nor do I ever). I was, in fact, still half asleep. I'm back, I'm well.
Now to read the page.
Zondrae King
a woman of words
a woman of words
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Neville Briggs
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Re: Silver Moon
Sorry Zondrae, I thought I might have upset you by making comments.
Neville
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.
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Zondrae
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Re: Silver Moon
afternoon Neville,
Oh I learned long ago.. if you can't take the heat - stay out of the kitchen.
So anything I post is open for pot shots. If something is especially tender to me, I don't put it on the site.
There are not too many of these as another thing I learned a long time ago, if something is that private, you don't even write it down.
Oh I learned long ago.. if you can't take the heat - stay out of the kitchen.
So anything I post is open for pot shots. If something is especially tender to me, I don't put it on the site.
There are not too many of these as another thing I learned a long time ago, if something is that private, you don't even write it down.
Zondrae King
a woman of words
a woman of words
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Zondrae
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Re: Silver Moon
G'day Marty (and Neville and Dave and Mal),
Another piece of really good advice from our mother hen is "take note of who it is giving you the advice." In other words listen to your 'betters'. I have had some really good advice over the years. Some given very gently and some kind of 'barked' at me. Some of it was very good advice and some rather dodgy. As Glenny advised, I have a look at the quality of the writing or performing of the person in question before I try to follow the advice.
Likewise with offering my thoughts. I sometimes, if asked, will look at something by way of a pm, but I am not self assured enough to put too much on public show. From both sides of the fence - that is suggesting to someone there is fault in their writing or suggesting that I know better. (except the few contributors that I feel know well enough. then I'll throw my bit in and they know it is done in good faith)
Another piece of really good advice from our mother hen is "take note of who it is giving you the advice." In other words listen to your 'betters'. I have had some really good advice over the years. Some given very gently and some kind of 'barked' at me. Some of it was very good advice and some rather dodgy. As Glenny advised, I have a look at the quality of the writing or performing of the person in question before I try to follow the advice.
Likewise with offering my thoughts. I sometimes, if asked, will look at something by way of a pm, but I am not self assured enough to put too much on public show. From both sides of the fence - that is suggesting to someone there is fault in their writing or suggesting that I know better. (except the few contributors that I feel know well enough. then I'll throw my bit in and they know it is done in good faith)
Zondrae King
a woman of words
a woman of words
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Irene
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Re: Silver Moon
Hi Zondrae
Loved this poem when I first read it, and love it now!!
It was at the Pinnacles at Cervantes that I read your poem out, and a copy of it went back over seas - it was a full moon tour of the Pinnacles, and as I finished reading it, there was a 'rainbow' around the moon. A beautiful setting for a wonderful poem!
Regarding offering comments, I don't think anyone should be afraid of offering comments on the public forum - especially if some specifically asks for comments. As already mentioned, it is up to the author of the poem as to whether he/she takes the comments on board or not - many changes offered can change the context of a poem in a subtle ( and not so subtle way!)
I will offer my comments, when asked, on the forum rather than via a PM - not because I think I know it all, but because I feel that all comments are of benefit to others that are also reading the post, and I always try to reassure the author that it is their poem, and I don't have an issue if my comments are not what they are looking for. Hopefully, I deliver the comments in a manner that doesn't upset them. If you send your comments via a PM no one else gets to see them (which may be a good thing!! lol). Even someone who is still learning, or has trouble with rhyme and meter can offer a comment which may just trigger a response in the author that will lead on to the change they are looking for. I used to have a friend read all my poems - she doesn't know anything about writing poetry, but she could very clearly tell me if something did not work for her. And if we hope to sell our poetry to the average Joe Bloggs on the street, we have to know that is readable and catching for them.
Loved this poem when I first read it, and love it now!!
It was at the Pinnacles at Cervantes that I read your poem out, and a copy of it went back over seas - it was a full moon tour of the Pinnacles, and as I finished reading it, there was a 'rainbow' around the moon. A beautiful setting for a wonderful poem!
Regarding offering comments, I don't think anyone should be afraid of offering comments on the public forum - especially if some specifically asks for comments. As already mentioned, it is up to the author of the poem as to whether he/she takes the comments on board or not - many changes offered can change the context of a poem in a subtle ( and not so subtle way!)
I will offer my comments, when asked, on the forum rather than via a PM - not because I think I know it all, but because I feel that all comments are of benefit to others that are also reading the post, and I always try to reassure the author that it is their poem, and I don't have an issue if my comments are not what they are looking for. Hopefully, I deliver the comments in a manner that doesn't upset them. If you send your comments via a PM no one else gets to see them (which may be a good thing!! lol). Even someone who is still learning, or has trouble with rhyme and meter can offer a comment which may just trigger a response in the author that will lead on to the change they are looking for. I used to have a friend read all my poems - she doesn't know anything about writing poetry, but she could very clearly tell me if something did not work for her. And if we hope to sell our poetry to the average Joe Bloggs on the street, we have to know that is readable and catching for them.
What goes around, comes around.