ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

Ross - when you make your sea change - appreciate it! We moved over here from inland when our daughter was nine, and I have never really appreciated the benefits of living by the sea, as I have never been a beach person (grew up with swimming pools!!) It is only now that I am starting to enjoy the benefits that come with having such beauty at my doorstep!!

Thank you Dave, Maureen and Zondrae - Zondrae, you are right with your understanding of why I have put 'gift'. It was to capture the 'gift' of the beautiful rainbow that the sun has given us by sending its rays through the clouds to produce the rainbow.

Neville - thanks for your comment - I will have to recap on my subjects and predicates!!! But let me show you what I meant by that line, if I can (Some times it makes no sense to anyone but me!!! )
The sun - its rays it sends through cloud breaks - to gift the sights that please

Having said that, I notice I should in fact have had an 's' on the end of 'send' - comes from writing and posting without taking the time to polish!!

Does that make a little more sense? Or have I got my words totally muddled?

Catchya
IRene

Made total sense to me first time around Irene.


Bob

Hi Irene you have by my thoughts put the word in it's correct concept

The sun its rays it sends through cloud breaks to gift the sights that please

in my thoughts the sun sends rather than send for the rays of sun are plural I think

still which ever way you choise i enjoyed it

Bill Williams

It was just a bit of feedback for you to think about Irene.

Simply,...... I think ...subject means..the thing that is doing the action. Predicate means.. what the subject is doing. I was not sure what thing was doing what action.

In the end it's your poem.

Irene, worked for me the first time I read it then after reading what Neville had to say I guess I looked at the poem from a different angle, as I said at first you have a nice coast and you are enjoying it, it don’t get better than that.

TTFN

I have a very disturbing tendency to get my words around wrong these days!!! I think that means it is time for me to retire!!!
Bill - I didn't have 'sends' in the first copy that I posted - which, I think, is part of what made it sound wrong to Neville - have snuck in and changed it!! (Shoooooosh!!! Don't tell anyone!!)
Dave - are you coming up to enjoy our coast this year for the Cervantes festival??? I have yet to catch up with the committee and see if they are having a poets breakfast again, but they were keen to after last year. I have been very slack this year, and not got to any of their meetings - time just goes tooooooo quickly now I have a grand-daughter that I have to go and see!!! (On a quite frequent basis!! )

Neville - I appreciate your comments. It is a very long time since I learned about subjects, predicates and the like, and it is good to be reminded of them, and take notice of whether we are using our words correctly in our poetry! Your comments on the technicalities of our english are excellent, and you are always more than welcome to make such comments on any of my posts. It challenges me to go and look up my english rules and technicalities - which is always a good thing - as we should never stop learning or refreshing what we have forgotten (and believe me, I find I am forgetting more and more!! )
The 'send' that I had in that line did not really sit right with me either, but I allowed it to slip through, because I didn't take the time to work out what made it sound a little off - so thank you. I remember Glenny and Croc, back on the bushverse site, impressing on us time and time again about the need to polish, polish, polish!!!!! I always get caught out when I don't!!

Catchya
Irene

G'day Irene

The sun, it's rays through cloud breaks sends
to gift the sights that please.

Looking at that sentence again, it could possibly be reworded as:

The sun sends rays through broken cloud/s (might work better as the plural)
to gift the sights that please.

This way, the sentence structure is no longer inverted (which I think is the reason why Neville picked up that there was a problem with it).

Even then, it could be further refined to:

The sun's rays stream through broken cloud
to gift the sights that please.

Just a couple of ideas for you to ponder.

Regards


John Peel

Irene I have been hoping Cervantes would be on again this year, I will be out in the desert for the first three weeks of October but if I remember right the Festival was in November, anyhow keep me posted please.

TTFN

Pity we got a bit sidetracked on that one sentence Irene. The rest was good, clear and straight to the point, ...very good.