The Company Commander called for the First Sergeant.
When he arrives the C O says:
“Top, just got word that Private Schmedlap’s mother died. Please inform him.”
“Got it, Sir.”
So the Company is assembled for the noon accountability check. Per usual, he makes a few announcements then:
“Private Schmedlap?”
“Here First Sergeant.”
“Your mom just croaked.”
Schmedlap completely falls apart and passes out. An ambulance is called and Schmedlap spends almost a week in the hospital getting back his senses.
The C O is pissed.
“Damn it, Top. The Battalion Commander is on fire about this. I’m going to send you to Tact School. Maybe they can teach you to handle things like this a bit more thoughtfully.”
So, Top spends a week at Tact School. Time passes. Then, one morning . . .
“Top”, the C O says, “Just got word that Private Schmedlap’s father died. You need to inform him and I hope to hell you do a better job this time.”
“No sweat, Sir, I got this.”
So at the noon formation, Top makes a few announcements then: “Alright, listen up. I want everyone whose father is still living to take two steps forward. Not you Schmedlap.”