Pet Hate

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Pet Hate

Post by keats » Sun Feb 02, 2014 3:50 pm


It really was beginning to become annoying! I don’t cart my faithful old dog around with me when I visit people. So why had these visitors brought along their pesky little poodle to my house? All it had done since being here was to water every precious plant in my garden and leave a few surprises around the garden for next time I mowed the lawn.
And then one of it’s owners had thrown the stinking little mongrel a chop bone from their plate. Sitting up on my balcony, I could see every family of flies within a hundred mile radius honing in on the bone like a Labour Government on a stray vote. Within seconds, the bone was covered in a black crawling mass, which was challenging the dog for the last drop of moisture from it. And how did that mangy mongrel react? By continually pushing the chop-bone against my shoe to disperse the flies.
‘Crunch-bloody-Crunch!’ ‘Buzz-bloody-Buzz!’ It was damn disgusting, that’s what it was! But what could I say? It had been the wife’s idea to invite the local Church Minister and his wife over for a B.B.Q. lunch after church. But I don’t recall her saying “Oh and bring you flea-bitten, smelly little poodle, as well.”
So gently, for fear of bringing attention to myself, I used my foot to manoeuvre that putrid bone away from the dog and then with one quick little flick of the Achilles Tendon, I jettisoned that bone out over the balcony away from my designated eating place at the table. The flies followed it. So did the dog. The Minister’s wife’s jaw hit the table, as that thimble-witted canine leapt up on to the table and then sprang over the railing, like Rin Tin Tin. The fading yapping came to an abrupt end as it was replaced by the inevitable ‘SPLATT!!’ caused by the collision of a dog and a recently laid concrete driveway.
“It’s O.K., “ I reassured them. “Dogs always land on their feet.”
“That’s cats, you idiot!” my wife remarked somewhat angrily.
“Oh, Christ!” was my unintentional, blaspheming remark.
As all four of us hesitantly peered over the edge of the balcony, we were greeted to the sight of their darling ex-poodle doing an impersonation of a pancake on my concrete, with that chop bone in it’s jaws. It’s final worldly act had been to retrieve that bone before meeting it’s maker in the form of my driveway.
“Stupid Mongrel!” I laughed, sympathetically. “I’ll buy you a new one, if you like.”
The Minister’s wife was now in the middle-stages of a hysterical, tear-flooded seizure.
“Or perhaps a cat,” I added “they always land on their feet, you know!”
The Minister, himself, was now casting doubts on my parentage and shaping up like a cross between Bishop Tutu and Mike Tyson.
Crikey, some folks do carry on a bit at times. Wasn’t it they who had brought the stupid dog to our house in the first place? Was it not they who had thrown it that fatal chop bone? Some people just do not think about the consequences of their actions!
Needless to say, they left quickly that afternoon, and sped off down the road into the setting sun without so much as a “Goodbye” or “Thanks for the meal.” I chased them down the road with their dog on a shovel, but rudely they kept driving, leaving me with a recently deceased poodle pancake.
Feeling somewhat guilty, I drove around to the Minister’s residence the next morning, and slipped his dog under the door. I mean, being a Minister and all, then he should have more idea on a fitting funeral and burial for it, one would imagine.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am an animal lover at heart. I am a semi-vegitarian, in fact. I only eat grass-eating animals. But I do not appreciate other peoples pets invading my personal space, no matter how ‘cute’ their owners imagine them to be. I don’t go around to people’s houses and lie down beside their dog’s food bowl and fill it with beer and start slurping out of it! Well, not as much as I used to, anyway. So is it remiss of me to expect a little courtesy from others and their animals when they visit my abode?
And as if the week hasn’t been bad enough, already, I have now discovered that the wife has invited the Local Polo team around for Sunday Brunch. I hope I put enough reinforcing in that concrete driveway!!

©Neil McArthur 2014


Re: Pet Hate

Post by manfredvijars » Sun Feb 02, 2014 7:48 pm

Neil, you're an idiot ... :lol:

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Maureen K Clifford
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Location: Ipswich - Paul Pisasale country and home of the Ipswich Poetry Feast

Re: Pet Hate

Post by Maureen K Clifford » Sun Feb 02, 2014 7:57 pm

You're going to hate my homework poem Neil :(
Check out The Scribbly Bark Poets blog site here -

I may not always succeed in making a difference, but I will go to my grave knowing I at least tried.

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Glenny Palmer
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Re: Pet Hate

Post by Glenny Palmer » Sun Feb 09, 2014 7:37 pm

One very clever idiot!.............. :lol: :lol:
The purpose of my life is to serve as a warning to others.

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Re: Pet Hate

Post by alongtimegone » Fri Feb 21, 2014 10:00 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: Love the bit about being a semi-vegetarian.

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