I Hate Cricket

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Neville Briggs
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I Hate Cricket

Post by Neville Briggs » Fri Oct 14, 2011 3:51 pm

Like the bush poet, John O'Brien, I was a blur on the scutcheon of my school.
My boys' high school badge has the proud motto " Recte et Fortiter" ( With integrity and courage " ) ; sternly standing in disapproval of malingerers like me.

At my school, sport was held to be an activity of great honour and attainment. Every Wednesday the whole school, masters and boys alike, engaged in the highly organised seasonal sports activities.

For summer sport I put myself down for swimming. As I had no ambition to join the water polo team or doing the 100 yards medley etc, I nominated for the swimming learners' class. This enabled me and my mates to bum around at the training pool, ducking and doing "bombs" and best of all, ogling the beauties from the girls' high school swimming sports group.

Even though I was not a suitable achiever for the swimming competition, I was expected to attend the aquatic sports carnival and sit in the stand in my uniform with striped tie and nice red blazer, to cheer on the brave athletes of our school.
Our swimming carnivals were held at the North Sydney olympic pool, so instead of being loyal school encouragers, my friends and I took off up the Sydney Harbour Bridge pylon and entertained ourselves by dropping twopenny bungers towards the ships below to see how far they went before exploding. They made some good bangs.

I managed to do several seasons in the swimming "learners" until the sports Master, Mr Mason, became unimpressed by my lack of progression from beginner to accomplished practitioner. Mr Mason's daughter was Michele Mason who won the silver medal in the ladies highjump at the Tokyo Olympics in 1964. he was generally unimpressed by my lack of sporting achievement and coined a nickname for me; " Speedy".
He decided to give me the benefit of some character development and assigned me from swimming to the house cricket team.

What a horror! The cricket ground was unmercifully hot, I couldn't play cricket and there were no girls !

I wasn't well outfitted for cricket. I didn't have proper cricket shoes, just some flimsy sandshoes for sport. When I went into bat, I overheard the captain of the rival team instruct the bowler " bowl at his feet ". And he did.
I only lasted about three balls usually. This terrifying red cannon ball smashed into the ground near my feet, I couldn't hit it, I was too busy leaping away to save my feet from crippling injury. When the ball was bowled higher, I sort of swatted where I thought it might have been in its invisible supersonic flight, but to no avail; there was always a clattering and scattering of stumps and bails.
One good thing about getting out in batting was that I could sit under a shady tree for a while.

Fielding was much worse than batting. I had to stand interminably under a baking sun out on a sort of desolate prairie, where few balls came my way. When the balls did come , they flashed by about 20 metres away, and by the time I got moving, the ball was usually well over the boundary. If a high ball ever came, there was no way I would try and catch it. I knew that crickets balls were very hard and I might as well try to catch a plummeting iron meteorite, a cricket ball would just as easily smash my hands to bits.
So I remained a decidely unspeedy fielder.

The next summer season, Mr. Mason seemed to have overlooked me or perhaps given up in disgust, so I rejoined the swimming learners. " Hello girls, I'm back "


I still hate cricket. Can't even stand to watch it. And the bathing beauties wouldn't even notice my decrepit pensioner presence. Oh well, such is life.
Last edited by Neville Briggs on Sat Oct 15, 2011 8:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
Neville
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.

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Stephen Whiteside
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Re: I Hate Cricket

Post by Stephen Whiteside » Fri Oct 14, 2011 7:37 pm

Whenever we play cricket

Whenever we play cricket, I know I cannot win,
But I always do my level best to take it on the chin.
For if I am not chosen in a team to play the match,
I feel the anguish of rejection. Wait, though. Hereʼs the catch,
For if indeed I am picked, I am always quite aghast.
I live in abject terror, for the ballʼs so hard and fast!

Whenever we play cricket, I know I cannot win,
But I always do my level best to take it on the chin.
If my team is bowling, and I fail to field the ball,
My team-mates all will laugh at me, and make me feel quite small,
But if by chance I catch the ball, no burning pride is fanned.
All I ever notice is, it really stings my hand!

© Stephen Whiteside 09.01.10

Great minds, eh Neville? A lot of laughs. Thanks.
Stephen Whiteside, Australian Poet and Writer
http://www.stephenwhiteside.com.au

Bob Pacey
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Re: I Hate Cricket

Post by Bob Pacey » Fri Oct 14, 2011 10:32 pm

The Greatest Game Of All

I've been known to swing the willow in cloths all crisp and white
To run and chase the red or white ball and hurl it back with all my might.
To cheer the bowler for a hat trick or high five when someone hits a six
To mix with landed gentry or some guys from way out in the sticks.

I enjoy the company of men of mark, fine upstanding so they say.
But men who know what pride is and do not shirk the fray.
Gentlemen right to their core, with fine manners and decorum
Who know just when to slow the game or if runs are needed, scorem.

There are those who say the game is old and needs to make a change
to appeal a wider audience and I really find that strange.
For it is played in every state and territory, and in the smallest outback town
It moulds the fabric of our nation, when we find the chips are down.

To some it may be boring, to others it's a game of style and grace
It can steel our courage in adversity, help us to find a better place.
So knuckle down and play the game, join together, hear our call
to some it may be only cricket but it's the greatest game of all.


Hate the bloody game and unless I can bat or bowl or be the wicket keeper I'll take my ball and go home.

Bob Bradman :lol: :lol: :lol:
The purpose in life is to have fun.
After you grasp that everything else seems insignificant !!!

Neville Briggs
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Re: I Hate Cricket

Post by Neville Briggs » Sat Oct 15, 2011 8:11 am

Thanks for the creative replies Stephen, Bob.

I don't think that the Philistines played cricket Matt, they were more into battles using big tall warrior champions :lol:
Neville
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.

william williams

Re: I Hate Cricket

Post by william williams » Sat Oct 15, 2011 8:57 am

Now Bob says he’s a cricketer
Age... now fifty seven.... plus one
He’ll never make one hundred
Cause the sod.... he just won’t run

Now he say’s that he is good
Well he says that it is true
So he can take his rotten cricket ball
Cause the mongrel he just won’t run

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Stephen Whiteside
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Re: I Hate Cricket

Post by Stephen Whiteside » Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:18 pm

Matt,

I should point out that I actually love cricket - I just hate that hard red ball. I love playing with a tennis ball or other rubber ball - beach, back yard, wherever. I also love following the test cricket. Great to have on in the background on the radio - though I could never stand watching it for a whole day! Can't stand ODIs or Twenty/20 or IPL. Sheffield Shield doesn't do anything for me, either.

A Poodle On The Wicket

© Stephen Whiteside 07.01.2006

Thereʼs a greyhound in the outfield, a boxer in the trees,
A pug behind the wicket, where he sniffs the gentle breeze.
Dogs are running everywhere. We still can play bush cricket,
But the bowler has to pause when thereʼs a poodle on the wicket!

Spike is slurping Sarahʼs tea. Thomas pats a pup.
The batsmanʼs hit upon the leg. Heʼs told the game is up.
James is whacking boundʼries. Stephen drops one short.
Johnnoʼs underneath the ball and, sure enough, heʼs caught!

Weʼre playing “tip and run”, of course. No teams. No ump. No score.
“One bounce, one hand” is always out. Who could ask for more?
The ball is yellow, very soft, which means itʼs always kind.
Itʼs hit into the long grass now. Itʼs proving hard to find.

Thereʼs a greyhound in the outfield, a boxer in the trees,
A pug behind the wicket, where he sniffs the gentle breeze.
Dogs are running everywhere. We still can play bush cricket,
But the bowler has to pause when thereʼs a poodle on the wicket!
Stephen Whiteside, Australian Poet and Writer
http://www.stephenwhiteside.com.au

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Maureen K Clifford
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Re: I Hate Cricket

Post by Maureen K Clifford » Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:41 pm

if you need a canny fielder then my Elly is the one
and if the cricket ball is green this Staffy will run and run,
but if the ball is red or white she’ll ignore it she wont pick it
but green ones she’ll catch on the fly – she’s good behind the wicket.
Check out The Scribbly Bark Poets blog site here -
http://scribblybarkpoetry.blogspot.com.au/


I may not always succeed in making a difference, but I will go to my grave knowing I at least tried.

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Re: I Hate Cricket

Post by Bob Pacey » Sat Oct 15, 2011 9:48 pm

God, Bill remind me never to get you to keep score I was sixty last birthday although like Heather I only look thirty.


I don't think there are many sports I have not had a go at ? Football. Rugby, soccer, Hockey both field and indoor and roller, Cricket, Touch Football, Tennis, Table Tennis, Lawn Bowls and Indoor Bowls, Swimming. Athletics, Squash, Darts, Golf, and of course Cricket. I also trained Greyhounds for a few years and racing Pidgeons as well as bred show Chickens and Finches and Doves.

Bob
The purpose in life is to have fun.
After you grasp that everything else seems insignificant !!!

william williams

Re: I Hate Cricket

Post by william williams » Sun Oct 16, 2011 8:19 am

Now Bob old mate I was being kind to you infact I thought you were 65 funny how picture are decieving. look at Manfreds picture see what Lippy does to you make you younger

Bill the old battler

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Maureen K Clifford
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Re: I Hate Cricket

Post by Maureen K Clifford » Sun Oct 16, 2011 8:37 am

I like a good all rounder Bob - :lol: :lol: :lol:

Bill put your glasses on - Lippy didn't make Mannie look young it just made him look weird..completely the wrong shade and he has aged overnight as a result of his curious peccadilloes :roll:
Check out The Scribbly Bark Poets blog site here -
http://scribblybarkpoetry.blogspot.com.au/


I may not always succeed in making a difference, but I will go to my grave knowing I at least tried.

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