The good old days

[Stephen Whiteside]

The Good Old Days

© Stephen Whiteside

Dog poo brought a high price in those days. I can say some with some pride that I was one of the best of the field collectors.

As much as anything else, it was a matter of discipline and perseverance. Anyone can find the moist, fresh specimens. The challenge was to still provide the station with a good amount on those days when droppings were harder to find.

A lot of blokes just gave up on those days. Went home, headed for the pub, whatever. I made it my business to put in the hours, regardless. There was always something there if you looked hard enough, hidden in amongst the leaves, or under a bush. Sure, they weren’t always the fresh specimens so prized by the station masters, but they still had value.

The dried droppings were lighter, and smaller, having shrunk with dehydration. Often they adhered to adjacent leaves. A lot of blokes tried to bulk up their daily catch with leaves, but they were wasting their time. The stations had the technology to tell the droppings from other debris. Too much other junk, and they could even penalise you - especially if they thought you were doing it deliberately.

I had my favourite spots to look in times of hardship. When there was plenty of fresh stuff easily visible, I didn’t bother with these too much. I’d get my load quickly, and move on to other things. But on those days when things were a bit lean, I’d check out all my favourite haunts, and it was a rare day indeed when I still failed to get my quota.

In time, your eye becomes trained to find what you are looking for. Sticks, twigs and leaves can all imitate dog droppings, and you don’t want to be wasting your time collecting those. Technique is important, too. You need to place the scoop under the turd if possible, and use the prodder to try and roll it in. The easier it is to collect the better, as it is quicker, and there is less wastage. You don’t want to leave half the specimen behind, smeared across foliage.

Often the specimen is in several pieces, some large, but others quite small. A lot of blokes took the bigger, easier to collect pieces, but left the smaller fragments behind. I was never quite sure if this was conscious or not. The smaller pieces can be difficult to see, and unless you’re concentrating hard on the job, are easily missed. Also, they are difficult to manouvre. That is why gravity is your best friend, if you are able to harness it. By placing the scooper underneath the specimen, you only have to dislodge it, and it will fall in. It is much harder to lift soft specimens against gravity. They are very difficult to get a good hold of, and will often just sink even deeper into the vegetation they are lying on.

Like anything, there is a skill involved in collecting dog poo. There is pleasure and satisfaction in mastering the technique, and disappointment and frustration in failing to do so. A lot of people don’t understand the pleasure that can be obtained. I feel sorry for them. If they approached the subject with an open mind, they’d find it’s just like any other worthwhile activity. There’s the right way, and the wrong way, and it’s much more fun doing it the right way.

In time, of course, I developed a good reputation amongst the station masters, and I was very proud of that. They come to know that, day in, day out, I could be relied upon to deliver a good catch, regardless of the conditions. A lot of people suspected me of some sort of foul play, as if I had a secret stash that I visited from time to time. But I never did. I never had to. It was just a matter of daily discipline, and being determined to deliver a reasonable catch, come hell or high water. I guess a lot of people considered the work distasteful, and felt above it in some way. You might think it was rather disgusting work, but I never found it that way. I was always too preoccupied with the process of collection to think too much about it, anyway.

Of course, times have changed, and nobody collects dog poo commercially any more. It’s a domestic craft these days. We have two dogs, though, and I enjoy picking up after them. It doesn’t take long, but it takes me back to the good old days.

[r.magnay]

...Stephen, I think you need to see a doctor!

[Stephen Whiteside]

Yes, well I'm glad we've got a mirror in the bathroom!

[william williams]

AUW CRAP well sh**T if you like but my 7 year old grand son laughed like mad when he read that.
Now that is a different subject? DOC

bill williams

[Maureen K Clifford]

I know where you are coming from Stephen I have two four legged sh*t machines in permanent residence and if you don't collect it well it would be knee deep and then well you know where I 'd be From a purely medical point of view it is an excellent way of ascertaining the health of your pets digestive system, so should not be poo hooed. Never knew there was ever a market for it though???

[Stephen Whiteside]

Yes, there's a bit of a knack to cleaning up after horses too, isn't there.

Bill, that's great about your grandson. I would have thought this piece would be a bit beyond your average seven year old, so if he's enjoying it I reckon he's doing pretty well.