is 'confined' ok to rhyme with 'find' or too close????

[manfredvijars]

friend..wind
me ....Araby
servitude...wood
pride..undenied
mansuetude...brotherhood
quietude...could

Sorry Nev, your examples are a tad incomplete ...

now are loose --- Pegasus
gallant friend --- on the wind.
were to me --- Araby,
servitude —-- (Appa)loosan Wood

hear them call --- (Val)halla’s hall
hot with pride --- Undenied,
unto me --- master be
mansuetude --- Brotherhood

etc.

Here's a few more from another thread ...


I'm sure he's fine, as far as "English" poets go Nev, but as far as multi-syllabic end-rhymes go, I'll see your 'Whitworth' and raise you a "Fredriksen" ...

Here are the first three of fifteen stanzas of "PATERSON’S YELLOW BAY"

_________________________________

At fifty years of age, poet A.B. ‘Banjo’ Paterson enlisted in the A.I.F.
in the Great War. He served in Egypt and the Holy Lands as an officer
in the 2nd Aust. Remount Unit (nicknamed the ‘Horse-dung Hussars’).

PATERSON’S YELLOW BAY
(c) Graham Fredriksen

I’ll tell you a tale from the gone days of glory when
.... Australia’s Lighthorse was a fearsome machine;
rough-riders, rough horses—the stars of this story—when
.... I was in Egypt in nineteen sixteen.
Ah! nineteen sixteen, back in old Heliopolis:
.... pyramids, ruins and temples of yore,
from the times when the town was a Roman metropolis—
.... what battles those columns and cobblestones saw !

But sackings by Saladin, sieges Napoleon,
.... scarce held a match to the wars that went down
when we came along with our horses unholy, and
.... formed a Remount Unit depot in town.
Army Remounts: it was our job distributing
.... fresh horses to regiments spread far and wide;
but at times we were saddled with rogues and this tribute in
.... part is to outlaws no one else would ride:

The scourings of all of the equine Australia,
.... steeds for whom Lucifer served as a sire,
were re-handled till troops in full paraphernalia
.... could climb aboard safely and ride under fire.
We bagged them, we lunged them, we rode them down wadis till
.... we tempered their temperament—hock deep in sand;
we long-reined, we short-reined, we pet them like poddies till
.... even the worst of them ate from our hand.

[Neville Briggs]

Great poem Manfred. I struggle a bit with horse poems sometimes, only because I am not familiar enough with horse riding culture.

I realised that my examples were incomplete, I was just pointing out how the last syllables didn't match as perfect rhyme. But the main point that I wanted to make is that para-rhyme as you called it, in this instance in no way made this poem any less brilliant than any other poem that might have " perfect " rhyme. It is not the " accurate" rhyme that makes a poem, it's something else, the poetic voice, and Graham Fredericksen knew that.

If you can believe it, I was not trying to be a silly nark. I was trying to encourage our bush poetry writers ( and me included, I still struggle ) to realise that putting down a few lines with rhyming words at the end of the lines does not transform your words into poetry. It's much more than that, that's why I said that poetry does not have to rhyme. Not to subvert a sacred cow of bush poetry but to emphasise that rhyme is, if you like, the icing on the cake, not the cake.

I can understand your devotion to your late friend's poetry, it is wonderful work. And you are helping keep it alive, fantastic Manfred.

End of sermon. go in peace bros.

[manfredvijars]

... you're no "silly nark" Nev ...

[Neville Briggs]

G'day Manfred. Well hope not.

[Neville Briggs]