Deadly

[Zondrae]

I put this here because it does not conform.

The second day we were at Keppel Sands the groundsman of the caravan park killed a five foot (convert it for me) Red Bellied Black snake. I felt sorry for the snake. There were no children in the park at the time and the snake only wanted a drip from the tap.

If anyone would like to discuss the format of the poem, feel free. All I did was write my thoughts and group the words in rows of matching syllables. I don't know if it is blank verse (probably not because there is some form to it) or simply non-rhyming verse. Anyway it is what it is and I am happy to leave it.


Deadly
 Zondrae King (Keppel Sands) 08/11

He wasn’t a threat to anyone
Simply looking for a damp place
to hide from the midday sun.
Summer was on the land
He needed water.

His instinct had always kept him far
away from the strange creature, ‘man’.
this time he stumbled on ‘man’
when there was no shelter,
the ‘man’ drew away.

Felt a heavy thump, as ‘man’ came close,
then the well known taste of fear.
‘Man’s’ retreat was not for long.
Pain from head to tail,
then oblivion.

‘Man’ held the snake high above his head
to show his skill and bravery.
He was happy with his kill.
Making his home safer
Which is more deadly?

[Dave Smith]

1524 mm.

I like you poems better when they have good rhyme and rhythm as they usually do.

TTFN Dave.

[Zondrae]

Thanks Dave,

I usually do too but sometimes it does one good to throw off the shackles and just let the pen go.

[Bob Pacey]

I'm with Dave Zondrae.

Just comes across as an unorganised jumble of thoughts ???

I also encounter many snakes during my day and the general thought is to kill them quickly. Most turn out to be harmless tree snakes of different colours and they will quickly avoid you if at all possible.

Bob