How To Write Free Verse In One Easy Lesson...

[Heather]

Lots of our members try other forms of poetry and while we wouldn't want it all posted here I don't think there is a problem with an occasional discussion about poetry in general as it broadens our horizons and views of the world.

[Heather]

Silly Marty!

[Maureen K Clifford]

I liked it Zondrae. As I read it I kept making the 4 line verses rhyme and then the spaced out section in free verse and that seemed to work quite well also IMO - Just coming at it from a different angle again

Fiddled and this is the result....................


I was sitting in my lounge room with the television blaring
but I really wasn’t watching. I was crocheting uncaring,
when I sensed the slightest movement from the corner of my eye.
So I froze in that position, and my eyes saw a mouse sly.

And I watched.

In halting steps,
quite timidly at first
she slowly crept. I wondered why it ventured in the house.

Then with such determined scurrying, legs in harmony and fast
in one long final burst, it reached a safer place at last.
The weather, unexpectedly, had turned during the week,
I wondered if this mouse, did the warmth of kitchen seek.

Did she feel the sudden cold?
Or did she see the light
beneath the kitchen door and sense the promised bounty

Did she feel the heat that emanated from the large TV?
Was she looking for a hidey hold as safe as safe could be?
Did her whiskers sense my breathing or the heart inside me beat?
did she know my eyes were on her as she scurried round my feet?

Feeling braver now
exploring round, along the skirting board.
and the only sound disturbing us - the televisions drone.

I watched until she came upon a hanging power cord
and with whiskers help for balancing she climbed the ironing board.
Oh no! A dreadful, tickling was building in my nose
and I could feel that sneeze a coming. I thought I might explode.

Aaachoo. Aaachoo
I knew the noise would frighten her.
She‘d surely run away as quick as tiny legs could go.

She jumped straight up about a foot, and then she took off fast
Skidding, sliding, going sideways – speeding through the kitchen arch
Rushing back behind the curtains in a hoppy, skippy run
round the corner on to outer parts – she slipped onto her bum.

And then I couldn’t see her.
She had slipped quietly away
back through the little entrance hole she used to creep inside.

I searched and found a mouse-sized entrance near the standard light.
I blocked the hole and hoped she’d find her food elsewhere tonight.
In retrospect she was quite sweet – a delicate shade of grey
But I hope she takes me off her list of good places to stay.

[David Campbell]

We're now in the General Discussion section, so I'll discuss.

Heather: Glad you enjoyed it. It’s just, as I said, a ‘bit of fun’, but it does give some insight into what can be done with fr*e ve*se. A personal opinion only, but if you’re interested in pursuing non-traditional poetry further have a good look at T. S. Eliot. Although Eliot famously argued that there was no such thing as fr*e ve*se, a poem like ‘The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock’ (it might be in your book) gives a marvellous introduction to alternative forms of poetry…interestingly, it has both rhyme and rhythm (of sorts), but is most certainly not bush verse.

I don’t want to go too far into this here, but consider the imagery in these two lines which stand alone in the poem:

I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.

Great stuff! And you’re perfectly correct in saying that an occasional discussion about poetry in general broadens our horizons. I find that playing around with more flexible forms of verse opens up possibilities, particularly with imagery and rhythm, that can then be effectively transferred to bush poetry. I also run a workshop called ‘The Poetry of Prose’, but that’s another story.

Zondrae: I would argue that it is fr*e ve*se because it is non-rhyming and has a mix of metric patterns. It’s a terrific scenario for experimentation because, as you’ve done very effectively, you can indicate the erratic movements of the mouse by breaking up the lines.

Cheers
David

[Glenny Palmer]

Just loved it David.

[Zondrae]

evening Maureen,

You have put some more 'shape' into the piece. However I wanted to use the broken lines as a tool to give a visual clue to the movement of the mouse. Putting more structure to it spoils the haulting, scuttling progression I had in mind. It was my effort in trying to make the reader 'hear' and feel the mouse coming in so timid and faltering. Then scurrying out as fast as it could go, almost like you see in cartoons, spinning his 'wheels' if you like. (I like little mousies)

[Maureen K Clifford]

I got what you were doing Zondrae and it is quite effective Do you recollect David D did one on the old site that he set out like a set of stairs - from memory it was to do with moving a piano to the top floor and it was very clever the way it was set out.

My fiddle was just a mix of rhyme and free verse - a bit of an experiment so to speak.

I like your explanation David works well for me. I remember also seeing a poem on another free verse sight to do with a lighthouse and the way it was set out on the page made the picture of a lighthouse with its expanding beam. I think they are called shape poems or concrete poems

FUNNEL

Here is a little poem ... well, maybe it's not so little, but it
....certainly is a poem ... although, come to think of it,
...........this doesn't really rhyme, so maybe it's not
...............a poem either; but anyway, here it is,
.................and as you can see, it is of course
.....................funnel shaped, and before too
..........................long, quickly comes to
..........................the point, and right at
..............................about this place
...................................down here
......................................at the
........................................end
......................................... !



PS Don't think you can do anything like that here though as it seems to move all the words to the LHS when you post it. It actually forms a funnel when you put it on the page but I had to put all the... in to get it to stay and it is a bit lopsided.

Cheers

Maureen

[David Campbell]

Thanks Glenny!

Maureen: As you can see, I had the same problem. Anything submitted here is automatically left-justified, and I haven't been able to find a way around it, apart from using.... I'm sure there must be a better solution, as it's sometimes useful to post a poem or a comment in an unusual format. It'd be handy to be able to write something in a Word document and then paste it here so that it appears in exactly the same layout. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Cheers
David

[Leonie]

I saw a free verse poem once that was about pregnancy and the shape of the poem was the silhouette of a pregnant woman, brilliant. I can't for the life of me remember where I saw it, but it was a winner in a comp. Interesting though is the fact that I couldn't tell you one word of the actual poem, all I remember is how cleverly the thing was shaped.

Another one I remember was years ago when I used to work a teleprinter and one of the other girls in some far flung place sent us all a Christmas poem in the shape of a Christmas tree.

[Maureen K Clifford]

Yes that would be handy then I could share my latest shape poem with you. You use the outline of whatever you are writing about and then fill the outline in with the words.

I used the shape of a crouching wolf/fox and then carefully inserted -

LOVE

When winter winds blow cold and stark
and fox and wolf lie snug in lairs
with newborn cubs to feed and nurture
they show loving motherly care.
They seek and hunt in deepest snow
for food, to help their cubs to grow.

Cute idea I thought - am now trying to work out how to utilize it onto a greeting card. Think it will have to go along the lines of scan and save and then open with Paint and then fancy it up from there. I can do that