A poetry experiment

[Bob Pacey]

I really do not think the second example looks like free verse at all. Just another way of saying the same thing.

If it ain't broke why try to fix it ?

Bob

[manfredvijars]

Line-breaks are a good device David and I think are essential for the 'free' verserfiers. As a rule they seldom punctuate. Scanning the piece visually you can see their intent in pausing and word grouping.

Trying to fit line-breaks into a rhyme-n-metre piece would appear frivilous and could lose impact because of fixed reader expectations.

Thinking of how to apply those line breaks is a challenge ... see what we can do ...

[Neville Briggs]

Very good point Manfred, that you brought up. I think the simple way that I use to understand it is, the poem is written in the lines showing the metre and rhyming words in position according to the pattern of metric feet that I have chosen ( or the writer has chosen )
That's because the organising principle of the poem is metre not sense.

When I read it, I read the sentences close to normal speech patterns of sense. If the setences go over one line or two lines I try to make that appear in my speech. However I try to give a small, perhaps almost imperceptible pause at the end of the metric lines to keep the feel of the metre going at the same time. ( Bear in mind I come last in the comp performance. )
Elis Campbell does it the way I have described and he comes first .


I have meditated on what Robert Frost has said about this tension of sense and metre. I think it is a very subtle and difficult balancing act to accomplish, but well worth the effort for effective poetry presentation. ( one day )

[David Campbell]

Terry

Many thanks for the comment...much appreciated.

Bob

You're right, it's not free verse, but it wasn't meant to be. All I was doing was clarifying something I'd written in another thread...showing how a free-verse structure could be used to create certain effects, such as the use of line-breaks to assist reading. This is particularly important because, as Manfred points out, free verse often lacks any punctuation. And I'm certainly not suggesting that bush verse is "broke" and needs fixing!

Manfred and Neville

I wasn't suggesting we fit line-breaks as an added complication into bush verse...see above reply to Bob. But I've found that experimenting with free verse has given me a greater understanding of how enjambment can be used in bush verse. In judging any bush poetry competition I find entries where there is a capital letter at the beginning of each line...and no other punctuation. Then there are those who think it compulsory to put a comma at the end of every line. There is also sometimes a tendency to think a line at a time, so that a four-line verse contains four separate ideas, thus giving no real continuity. A useful test for any poem is to write it out as prose and ask: "Does that make sense? Would I actually say it like that if I was speaking naturally?"

Yes, there is a definite tension between sense and metre and, if the metre is allowed to dominate too much it can (sometimes!) detract from the reading of a poem. 'Clancy' is a classic example of free-flowing, natural, verse which can be destroyed if a reader keeps hammering the rhymes (and pausing to emphasise them), and over-stressing the metre. Getting that balance, that 'natural' element, right is one of the hardest things to achieve with traditional verse. We're story-tellers, and those stories work best when the metre and rhyme work in perfect harmony with the tale being told. Thanks for your comments...the 'balance' issue is an endlessly fascinating challenge.

Cheers
David

[Terry]

G/day David,
your last two answers on the previous post make a lot of sense to me, and and in particular the reference to whether it reads as you would normally speak. Another thing I have noticed with top poets is that they can get their message across with the use of simple everyday words.

Cheers Terry

[Bob Pacey]

That's why you can always understand mine Terry

" SIMPLE "

Bob

[Terry]

G/day Bob
No I wouldn't say that mate.

Cheers Terry

[Bob Pacey]

Terry I had to repeat grades at school but then grade four is pretty hard >

If they only knew ?


Bob

[Mal McLean]

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