Homework 5th October - Leviathan's Curse

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Catherine Lee
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Homework 5th October - Leviathan's Curse

Post by Catherine Lee » Sat Sep 26, 2020 2:34 pm

Nothing positive this time, I'm afraid - simply imagination of a somewhat dark nature, but what can I say? One goes where The Muse leads, ha!


Leviathan’s Curse

In days when Cobb and Co were king - despite bushranger fears
traversing harsh and barren landscape, linking pioneers
with mail, and taking requisite supplies across the land,
we set out on the trail to brave the endless rocks and sand—
two teams of eight hard-working horses - healthy; coats of gloss;
two wagonloads of goods to safely guide and drive across.

The way was smooth, but one location filled us all with dread—
the narrow way at Gilmore’s Pass where many feared to tread.
Though ambush would be possible, the focus of our fears
was not the guns of men, but chilling mystery of years—
Leviathan! A ghostly giant stagecoach that would loom
on all who dared come close, to carry horses to their doom!

We reached the Pass and halted for a moment to prepare,
then resolutely started through the hostile thoroughfare.
As rocks rose high on left and right, we felt the heat increase;
then heavy rain began to fall - no sign that it might cease.
The wind picked up and gained in strength, lashed trees with mighty crack—
the woolybutts and ironbarks appeared to cry, ‘Go back!’

Already halfway through, we spurred our nervous horses on—
alarmed yet still obedient, their trusting nature shone.
But suddenly from nowhere came a thundering of hooves;
we froze as one - I raised my hand and hissed, “Nobody moves!”
Around the bend the monster charged with wild abandonment,
its fiendish driver glaring with malevolent intent!

He whipped grotesque, skeletal horses, malice in his eyes—
demented creatures snorted their oppression to the skies.
In disbelief, we saw that all on board were long deceased,
for demon travellers cackled at each window of the beast.
Leviathan had paralysed and struck us all quite dumb—
lent truth to ancient legend of how victims would succumb.

Unstoppable, no obstacle too large, none could repel
the mammoth coach’s rush towards its distant realms of hell.
With seeming vengeful wrath, it stormed on, tearing up the ground—
when limbs could move again, we turned, aghast at what we found.
The harnesses were hanging from the shafts in disarray;
no horses waited patiently - all gone, to our dismay!

I’ve tried to find some proof of the existence of that coach,
to no avail – I’m filled with constant doubt and self-reproach.
The subject is avoided by the drivers in my team—
denial is their only way to crush that ghastly dream.
Yet still in silence on this day, we mourn and count the cost
of sixteen precious equine lives mysteriously lost.

© Catherine Lee, September 2020

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Gary Harding
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Re: Homework 5th October - Leviathan's Curse

Post by Gary Harding » Sat Sep 26, 2020 6:22 pm

Well done again Catherine. What a gripping story!

Firstly, I feel awkward attempting to comment on the work of such a really talented poet...

Like Misguided Judgement, this is an attention-holding narrative poem .. with that final powerful "twist in the tail" that I note you have often put into your verses over the years. I like that!
Your Leviathan's Curse possesses dramatic intensity that builds up as the poem progresses to its finale, and so it holds the reader's attention throughout without losing them anywhere. Forceful adjectives pick the reader up by the lapels, and you maintain continuity as well as a fast narrative pace.

You not only write the poem, you seem to climb inside it and take the reader there with you which is no small writing accomplishment.
It is certainly a change of tempo from Curiosity (my favourite) which as I mentioned, reflected personal warmth, empathy and remarkable sensitivity.

To write Leviathan's Curse (surely a big task to make it all hang together) is to turn your hand to a subject requiring a different technique that still demands as always, the ability to entertain. You have risen to that challenge. For me, it was an intriguing poem... and demonstrated versatile penmanship.

As always, your strict rhyme brooks no compromises.

Thank you for sharing Leviathan's Curse.

I personally enjoyed it and I hope you have a very secure spot where you keep all your completed work. Best wishes for your ongoing writing and I think poems are a reflection of their author. Anyway I truly look forward to your next work. Gary.

* gee, I hope Leviathan's Curse does not give me nightmares tonight though! ha

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Maureen K Clifford
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Re: Homework 5th October - Leviathan's Curse

Post by Maureen K Clifford » Sun Sep 27, 2020 8:54 am

What he said .... :lol: Gary nailed it.

Gripping tale for Go to Whoa Catherine - I anticipate seeing this one winning you a few gongs. You have made excellent use of the prompts and whilst the story line is quite chilling one rides along with the coach and mourns for the 16 equines lost. Well done you, an excellent write Catherine.
Check out The Scribbly Bark Poets blog site here -
http://scribblybarkpoetry.blogspot.com.au/


I may not always succeed in making a difference, but I will go to my grave knowing I at least tried.

Terry
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Re: Homework 5th October - Leviathan's Curse

Post by Terry » Mon Sep 28, 2020 10:19 am

Hi Catherine

You certainly had me riding fearfully on that coach.
Very well written as always, and a pleasure to read.

Terry

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Catherine Lee
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Re: Homework 5th October - Leviathan's Curse

Post by Catherine Lee » Mon Sep 28, 2020 4:59 pm

Wow – thank you so much, everyone! I really wasn’t too sure of the response I’d get to that one, ha!

Gary, I don’t know what to say – I really am so moved by your very kind words and detailed feedback, which I can assure you is greatly appreciated!

Sometimes, as the writer of a poem you don’t always know for sure if certain things, like the ‘build up’ you mention in this one, will come through as you hope. Of course, you feel it yourself, get involved in the story and know that it’s what you want to say, but to have this put into words by others is of incredible value and brings immense satisfaction, because then you can say, ‘Ah, yes, they’ve ‘got’ the poem exactly the way in which I meant it to come across’! …And yes, I do keep my poems both on a USB stick and hard copy in a folder – and I also keep any feedback received, as it is very important to me. Thank you so much, Gary, and I sincerely hope you didn’t have nightmares after reading this one!

Many thanks to you too, Maureen and Terry – I am truly delighted that this poem managed to hold everyone’s attention in such a way that you could imagine riding along with me on that coach!

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Shelley Hansen
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Re: Homework 5th October - Leviathan's Curse

Post by Shelley Hansen » Wed Sep 30, 2020 2:17 pm

Ooooh, Catherine! Shades of Ghost Riders in the Sky here!!

As the others have said, no need to look for structural deficiencies in your verses!

A ripping yarn!
Shelley Hansen
Lady of Lines
http://www.shelleyhansen.com

"Look fer yer profits in the 'earts o' friends,
fer 'atin' never paid no dividends."
(CJ Dennis "The Mooch o' Life")

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Catherine Lee
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Re: Homework 5th October - Leviathan's Curse

Post by Catherine Lee » Thu Oct 01, 2020 2:05 pm

Thank you so much, Shelley xx

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